Look at me, it’s Sandra Dee!
I’m back bitches – sorry for the
delay but hopefully I’ve written enough to keep y’all entertainted for the time
being. I’ve been very busy wrapping up my Masters (yes, I am an educated fish)
in transgender representation in teenage literature, dealing with the on season
and hot mess that is season 9 so far, guiding a team of 18 through a
restructure at work and trying to watch Big Little Lies, Survivor, Feud,
Broadchurch and My Kitchen Rules.
So – this is my therapy and I am
reporting for duty. I hope you don’t mind the delay, I’ll get there eventually
and there is so much going on with season 9 that y’all haven’t missed at all
have you?
 |
| Yes please |
Without any further ado, I wanna
welcyum you to the next ten in the great rankdown of RPDR queens. Again, please
remember this is my opinion and my opinion only. My word is final, because it’s
my fucking blog and just a warning, I have very low taste levels in humour and giffage
(I’m even creating my own language, call me Lashawn baby!) . My writing ability
and editing skills are non-existent and every joke I make on here hinges off a
joke or comment on the show that we love so much.
Also, I have a very low taste
level when it comes to humour, jokes, puns and wordplay – I’m offended by very
little and therefore expect you to be the same. Bus jokes are the best
basically. If that upset you, get out now, while you still can.
 |
| LET'S DO THIS! |
80: Nicole Paige Brooks:
From Atlanta, Georgia
Yes, the hot malicious mess
herself has made it all the way to number 80 in the countdown – I could NOT believe
it. I was going to put NPB lower down the rankings but she is such a hot mess
that I couldn’t deny her a place in the top 80 in MY countdown. For a queen
that only ever appeared in two episodes of the competition, she had more of an
impact than others did in 5 or 6 episodes, or to put it bluntly, her impact on
the fandom was more dramatic than the last time Darienne tried to enter a
bouncy castle.
 |
| Not sure if you're shading me or not |
Maybe it’s because I’m a
subreddit nerd, as in I check it on the hour, every hour and barely an hour
goes by without a NPBFAG reference. Even that acronym alone never fails to put
a smile on my dial and so for this, cherry pah, her bitter, bitter hag attitude
to successful queens, her ‘verify me’ bikini shot on an Atlanta highway and her
STAR making appearance on FPR – she makes my top 80. But seriously, if you have
not seen the witch on FPR, do yourself a solid and go and watch it immediately.
My favourite episode EVER and the only one I’ve rewatched (she was shadier than
Bianca, funnier than Alaska and even more loveable than MKD in their
appearances in the video.)
 |
| I mean - look at HUH |
Nicole entered the competition as
Nicole Paige Brooks from Atlanta, Georgia – who could have had a heart-warming
story about being a father and a drag queen but instead, she went the messy
route and gave birth to the legend that has expanded into NPBFAG, a meme queen
extraordinaire and head chef serving cherry pah, wherever you are. While Nicole
Paige Brooks only lasted two episodes, she became iconic in her own right –
certainly not through her performances on the show – her first runway was
dreary but safe and her performance in the Starrbootylicious challenge was
awfully wonderful for all the wrong reasons, but because of her three ‘moments’
on the show – her introduction and immortal reddit meme NPBFAG, her hunt for an
8x10 of her drag mother, Shawna Brooks and her desperate attempts to sell
cherry pah! Those three moments would be enough to keep her immortal forever
but her continued inability to disappear quietly, her arrest for smoking marijuana,
her introduction to reddit, in that same old makeup and two-piece she been
wearing since 1999 and the fact that she was recently murdered by non-other
than Season 9’s finest, Nina Bo ’Nina, launches her into the top 80 – RIP you
messy, messy queen – I hope you’re serving unsexy cherry pah in heaven.
 |
| ***PAH*** |
My Favourite Moment:
I love Nicole, I know she’s a
messy bitter old trout who is not currently in the sub’s good books because of
her CUNTY (not the good sort) attitude to Nina and she doesn’t deserve a pass,
but let’s focus on the good times. I’ll never forget her lip-sync with Raja
where she displayed all the charisma of a broomstick or her attempt at being
sexy, but for me? My favourite moment is her FPR episode with Raven – she’s
serving you everything she could have been and serving the BEST shade that show
has ever seen.
‘She looks like she ate Elsa’
‘Now that’s how you do a blue
duvet’
‘She looks like the winner of the
pageant Jiggly went to’
‘Cinch it in at the waist and
give it some rah-rah’
‘That must have been the
inspiration for this season; they wanted to see it done right’
 |
| How a real queen shuts it down |
The shade, in that southern drawl
– its right mawma.
Most Iconic Moment:
It’s hard to go past her cherry pah, or her introduction to Reddit for iconic moments but it would have to be her 2017 double feature of Prison Honey and Murdered by Nina. I mean, look at this exchange – there are no fucking words to describe it.
- I can no longer find Nina's response in image form but here you are:
'How can U call anyone not polished enough when all u wear is a 2 piece bikini cover girl makeup and the same brown wig u been wearing since 99?, instead of u worrying about me not being polished enough worry about staying out of jail'
 |
| I shouldn't but I couldn't resist |
Quote: I’ve given you the shade
you need but really we all know her for
‘My name is Nicole Paige Brooks
from Atlanta Georgia’
‘You know you want a taste of
cherry pah’
‘Send them all home’
‘It’s just malicious, it’s just
gay faggotry’
 |
| To anyone questioning how high I've ranked her - she DID that. |
79: LaShawn
Rupaul’s
Best Friend
 |
| I mean, look at what could have been |
You know, I actually wanted to
rank LaShawn higher than this (and I know, stick to my gut, this is my ranking
and all) but the longer I thought about it – the less inclined I was to rank
her any higher (and this is generous for a queen who went home second). She
gave birth to one of the top 5 iconic quotes of Rupaul’s Drag Race that
alongside ‘Not Today Satan,’ ‘Halleloo’ & ‘Back rolls’ has entered the hall
of fame for Drag Race references, and was a veritable quote machine and fashion
queen for her two episodes but of all the season 4 filler messes, she
disappointed me the most. She disappointed me the most because she had the
potential – of all the early outs on Season 4 (and I consider that to be
everyone before Willam), to go really, really far. She was the fashion queen of Season 4 (not a high bar to clear, but still!) and a consummate seamstress and
costume designer, who entered Season 4 giving quotes, shade and sass – left,
right and centre and especially at Miss Dida Ritz. She turned out a LEWK for
the Apocolapoa challenge, earning a rightful high placement and praise from the
judges. However, by episode 2, Wrestling’s Trashiest Fighters, (still one of
the most delightfully, bizarre challenges the show has ever had), LaShawn was
demonstrating her fundamental lack of performance ability, turning in one of
the most underrated worst challenge performances – ever and after taking her
shoes off in the lip-sync to the Princess, was sent on her way.
 |
| She ain't bothered though |
For LaShawn, this show was not
meant to be – if you had put her on Season 3, she would have aced that shit as
she is easily up there with Bianca and Violet as one of the most competent
seamstresses to grace the show. However, on Season 4, if you weren’t a pro, you
had to be a messy shit-show to survive and LaShawn unfortunately, was neither
of those. Her style, drag and runways would have slaughtered Jiggly, Kenya,
Madame and Milan into the ground, but she just wasn’t as out there or as
willing to make a fool of herself to survive – and for that, I can’t blame her.
Post-show, she enjoys a successful career as a costume designer and enjoys a
close friendship with the one and only Latrice, designing beautiful dresses for
her and I wish she could have stuck around a bit longer – if only to elevate
the runways and provide more entertaining commentary, but for the two episodes
that she stuck around, she gave us her money’s worth and then some.
My Favourite Moment: That final
runway of hers – stuff it, I truly believe the bubble ball basket couture
should have saved her from the bottom. I know she performed abysmally, but I
love a good campy runway and I was feeling it.
If not, she will always be in my
head for ‘Dida Ritz look a mess with that dry ass weave and awful ass makeup’
which is a quote I aim to use on as many of my friends as possible.
 |
| I love this look. |
Most Iconic Moment:
‘THIS IS NOT RUPAUL’S BEST FRIEND
RACE’ (until season 8 and beyond) - No words needed.
 |
| That's right. |
Quote:
‘Rupaul just told us to make a
Post-apocalocapoca outfit and I have no idea what that means!’ She did pretty
well for not knowing what that meant – no matter which way you spell her attempt;
it will never fail to make me laugh.
 |
| This gif is so brilliant, it will be reused. |
78: Mystique
The Chicago Queen
 |
| Monique wishes she were this good. |
Apparently all it takes to clear
the first 22 queens is one iconic quote or three. Here we reach the one, the
only, Miss, I am From Chicago, Mystique Summers Madison. Mystique was a funky,
chunky queen from Chicago who entered Season 2 with a bang and exited it just
as memorably as she arrived. During her short time on the show (although, I do
not remember it being three episodes), she introduced us to her two piece and a
biscuit, won the fried chicken or WHAT mini challenge (the earlier seasons had
the best challenges – bite me), told an excellent story about fried chicken and
why she doesn’t eat it, performed terribly in the acting commercial, got into
an immortal fight with Morgan (my namesake) McMichaels, showed up looking like
holiday heart and performed like a drunken grandma who has just heard country
music for the first time which wasn’t enough to compete with Miss Raven in a
lip-sync to a Wynona Judd song. (Side note – can we never use Wynona Judd again
for a lip-sync?).
 |
| THAT'S MY SEAT, CAROL. |
In my books, Mystique is an
eternally underrated fan favourite – yes, she was a total mess on the show but
that Country Queens episode (while hilarious) was a total fucking mess and
unfortunately by winning the challenge through her aptitude for eating fried
goodness, she was doomed to lose. Captaining in an acting challenge (Adore,
Trinity Taylor) NEVER works out in your favour and this is in the days when the
show couldn’t afford to riff off the Kardashians and 90210, so they were
commercials for shortening (ancient lube), and this was also in the days when
Ru had a shady personality and switched the teams halfway through – meaning
Mystique was basically doomed from the get-go and true to form, she lost the
challenge and was sent home in another murder from Raven.
While she hardly impressed me throughout her run on the show – there was and is something about her that was fierce. I love her promo shot, her splits are iconic (this was before Latrice, a big girl doing the splits was amazing), she was bullied by the mean girls and stood up for herself and post show – she has lost a tonne of weight, looks gorgeous and is still regularly performing and booked for WOW gigs. I have a soft spot for fierce season 1 & 2 queens because of the lack of exposure they got and the general messiness of the show at that point and Mystique remains a queen in my eyes because of this. And she’s kept going – kept kicking ass, kept looking fierce and has only improved in leaps and bounds since she bowed out in pants and that awful purple top, looking like she was off for an interview as administrator for a public school.
Also, as an aside – her final two episodes of Untucked are up there with Face of Cakes, Queens of Comedy and any episode PhiPhi and Willam were in as the most iconic.
While she hardly impressed me throughout her run on the show – there was and is something about her that was fierce. I love her promo shot, her splits are iconic (this was before Latrice, a big girl doing the splits was amazing), she was bullied by the mean girls and stood up for herself and post show – she has lost a tonne of weight, looks gorgeous and is still regularly performing and booked for WOW gigs. I have a soft spot for fierce season 1 & 2 queens because of the lack of exposure they got and the general messiness of the show at that point and Mystique remains a queen in my eyes because of this. And she’s kept going – kept kicking ass, kept looking fierce and has only improved in leaps and bounds since she bowed out in pants and that awful purple top, looking like she was off for an interview as administrator for a public school.
 |
| In all seriousness, look at how awesome she looks. |
Also, as an aside – her final two episodes of Untucked are up there with Face of Cakes, Queens of Comedy and any episode PhiPhi and Willam were in as the most iconic.
 |
| A lie to yourself is the worst kind of lie |
My Favourite Moment:
The first time she did the
splits, honey I gagged – I couldn’t believe she could do that and get back up
again! Or, I am always partial to her story about Fried Chicken and why she
didn’t eat it – girl, just admit it – you like fried chicken. We all do, some
more than others, but it’s okay.
 |
| Latrice who? |
Most Iconic Moment: Bitch, I am from CHICAGO – to
that nasty Morgan McMichaels, thereby immortalising herself in the drag canon
for all time. She. Did. That. (Back when Untucked was mandatory viewing).
 |
| Can you imagine if someone did this today? |
Quote:
Some of these queens, the quotes
about them are better than the things they say.
‘She came up in here looking like
Holiday Heart’ – Sonique, immortalising herself whilst slaughtering Mystique.
 |
| Me after half a cosmo too girl. |
‘Mystique will finally win a
challenge’ Raven displaying her kind and gentle personality when Rupaul
introduced the eating mini challenge.
‘Cheeseburger, Taco Bell and a
Diet Coke on the Side’ JDF who?
 |
| Unless she's deep-fried, of course. |
77: Kenya
The Gym Queen
 |
| I don't know what this gif is - but it is my new favourite thing in the world. |
Speaking of Beyonce! I am aware that Kenya Michaels
may have a higher placing in some of your minds, but this is my ranking. I got
the same flak with Jade and India and I will use the immortal Bianca’s response
here – you like her? Book her.
 |
| You could see this live... |
Kenya earns her spot here for
being the messy, messy, Puerto Rican queen (2.0) on Season 4, who had her fair
share of iconic quotes and moments but ends up here by committing several high
sins against drag 101. Her Beyoncé snatch game was literally unforgivable, if
it wasn’t for Cynthia’s snatch game this season – she would be the worst. At
least she tried to make a joke, as awful as it was. Her lip-sync to Natural
Woman was abortion worthy and her performance in the sitcom challenge, well,
someone died somewhere every time she said ‘I koinda lieeeeke the smeellllll’. I
wouldn’t actually have Kenya this low if it wasn’t for the hard-on that
Michelle and Billy B had for her. If they hadn’t brought her back, she may have
faded politely to the back of my mind, only being brought up in nightmares when
I wake in a cold sweat remembering her Beyoncé shitting in her hand and falling
asleep and waking up with ‘I’m a survivor’.
 |
| I'm serious - don't watch it before bed. |
Kenya is a beautiful, fishy queen
who is a fierce performer and a great representative for trans women everywhere
and I’m sure she would have nailed a Puerto Rican version of Drag Race.
Unfortunately, I really feel that the language barrier was too much for her to
really, officially compete. With a cast full of fillers like Season 4, she
could have given the top 5 a run for their money if she’d had a full grasp of
the English Language, however she did not and her run on the show, while
memorable, was memorable for all the wrong reasons. Her high points included
her performance alongside Latrice in WTF, her hilarious ‘jessusss is a
besqueeek’ interlude after PhiPhi and Sharon’s iconic fight and her excellent
lip-sync to Vogue against Milan which
in my opinion, could have actually saved her. Unfortunately, her low points
outweighed her good points and I actually have a thing against her for being
rude to Madame who was enough of a loser to begin with. For these petty
reasons, and the fact that she was brought back to cover Willam’s DQ, I cannot
allow myself to rank her higher – even if she did bring us la transssbeeeaaar.
 |
| She was the pretty one - I'll give her that. |
My Favourite Moment: Her runway
in pink will always be a favourite of mine as will her lip-sync to Vogue. There
is no overlooking the genius of her sitcom performance however; it will forever
live in my mind reminding me why I love this show much. Season 4 was my first
season – which is why I have SUCH strong feelings about this season – PhiPhi
and Kenya were the first queens I really disliked which is why Kenya is down
here, but that performance was India Weather Girl levels of excellence.
 |
| Genuinely love this look. |
Most Iconic Moment: I can’t –
it’s a three way (not that type, whore) tie between her breaking up the Party
City/Showgirl fight with her limited English, her performance in the sitcom
challenge and probably, by the length of her pregnant stomach, the winner was
her performance in the Lip-sync against Latrice – the real OG murder on stage
as Latrice demonstrated how to slaughter someone without taking a step on stage
– Peppermint, take notes.
 |
| Reach for the stars... |
Quote:
‘Jesus is a beseeqqqqquek’ Kenya taking us to church lacked the impact that Latrice did but provided the best moment of Season 4 aside from Latrice's read of PhiPhi
‘I’m a survivor!’ Shudders
 |
| The Butch role is never given to anyone remotely butch |
‘I kinda loike the smeeelllll… it
reminds me of haiiii skuul geeeeem classsss’ CLAP!
 |
| This may be my favourite side by side shot of the season - Toddler, Tiaras and Mama Latrice |
76: Madame La Queer
The Onkle Queen
Yes, I put Madame above Kenya
purely out of spite – so sue me. Madame is the other Puerto Rican queen from
Season 4, a whining mess of a queen who shambled into Season 4 and shambled out
four episodes later earning a rather lame reputation in the fandom but always
being remembered for her captain role in the sitcom challenge and her immortal pronunciation
of ‘ewwwwwwww’ and ‘beefer’ (Beaver). However, to Madame’s credit – she did win
a challenge, her and Chad’s performance in WTF will go down as one of the
highlights of the early season for me and fun fact, she is the earliest queen
to go home who actually won a challenge!
For me, Madame will be an eternally
underrated queen, her mug was on point, she was treated like rubbish by the
other queens and she is a fierce drag mother who probably deserved the edit she
got, but I would have liked to see her acknowledged a bit more for being the
fierce queen she is. Also, as an aside – hating a contestant because they love
green is totally unfair, that’s like me hating Michelle because she has breasts
– which I do.
 |
| That's right Mami |
 |
| Hating this outfit is a valid point though |
Madame’s time on the show was
mostly her being the butt of the joke and at the time she annoyed the heck out
of me, especially her drag name (really, queen? On a season with Sharon Needles
– it just didn’t stack up). She entered the workroom and was super excited to see
her PR sister Kenya, who subsequently shaded her for not telling her she was
entering or something (PR Drag politics, and you thought you had it bad!).
She slid by the first challenge, won the second – despite her onkle that she damaged and gave many, many confessionals about it, gave an entertaining infomercial in the Glamazons VS Champions challenge (DOOJAAAHHH REMEMA YUURRR FERRSSS TOIMMEEE?) that unfortunately flopped her into the bottom and by episode 4, once again, a plus size queen got put in charge of a team for an acting challenge and got sent home. NOT just any team though, a team with theatre queen, Broadway diva and actor extraordinaire Miss (not Willam) Milan! Combined with Madame’s lack of acting experience, lack of English and general lack of ability to coach a team, Milan took over, Madame perfected her accent and the rest is history! By the time she was wearing pond scum green, ripping her wig off and pointing to one of my favourite songs (Pink’s Trouble) the curtains were closing on her ankle and her time on the show.
She slid by the first challenge, won the second – despite her onkle that she damaged and gave many, many confessionals about it, gave an entertaining infomercial in the Glamazons VS Champions challenge (DOOJAAAHHH REMEMA YUURRR FERRSSS TOIMMEEE?) that unfortunately flopped her into the bottom and by episode 4, once again, a plus size queen got put in charge of a team for an acting challenge and got sent home. NOT just any team though, a team with theatre queen, Broadway diva and actor extraordinaire Miss (not Willam) Milan! Combined with Madame’s lack of acting experience, lack of English and general lack of ability to coach a team, Milan took over, Madame perfected her accent and the rest is history! By the time she was wearing pond scum green, ripping her wig off and pointing to one of my favourite songs (Pink’s Trouble) the curtains were closing on her ankle and her time on the show.
 |
| Tempest's Inspiration |
In retrospect, I appreciate
Madame for what she brought to the show. Another queen brought on with limited
language skills, I don’t think she was ever intended to be anything more than
be the butt of the joke and that saddens me. While I don’t think she would it
have made it very far, I wish that casual fans got to see a little bit more
about her. She is a consummate professional, an excellent drag mother, has a
fierce mug and was hilarious on Ring My Bell a few years back and I hope in
time, the fandom can realise the queen she could have been. And also, I just
love me a messy queen and I also have ankle problems so maybe that’s why I
relate :D
My Favourite Moment: It has to be
her performance in the acting challenge – I cannot get over the fact that she
put on an accent on top of her accent already. Her cluelessness is an utter
treat and her lack of ability to captain that shit-show of a team is why I
still believe S4 to be the pinnacle of the show. I also love her mugshot with
Willam - Willam’s reaction to getting
paired with her is always my reaction when I get stuck with my mother on board
game night.
 |
| Woah |
Most Iconic Moment: 'EWWWWWWW' –
acting gold.
 |
| What onkle problem |
Quote:
'Are we talking about beevahs or.... ewwwwwwww'
‘FINALLY, I’m not going to be
picked last’ – maybe she’s all of us in sports.
‘I wrote a play’ – My Onkle Weent Qluique’ – Madame LaQueer
 |
| My favourite thing about season 4 |
75: Carmen Carrera
The Controversial Queen
 |
| Literally the most interesting gif I could find. |
Ahh, Carmen – Carmen, Carmen,
Carmen. Where do I begin with this one? I’ve been dreading writing her piece
because of the controversy that is attached with Carmen. I suppose I should
begin with a disclaimer – I do not believe that using the words ‘tranny’ and
‘she-male’ on a show today are okay and I think that season 6 mini challenge
was completely distasteful. I do think we need to acknowledge that Rupaul of
all people, can say what the fuck he likes – he’s kinda like my grandmother who
still refers to people as ‘coloured’ – it doesn’t in any way make it
acceptable, and I have been trying to correct her for years, but I also won’t
hate on her for using that term. She doesn’t mean it negatively, it’s just what
they said (and she’s 86 so I go easy on her – she loves me and my partner and
can’t wait to see us get married so props to ya grandmawma). So no, the
challenge and the terminology should not have been used on Season 6 and I think
Rupaul came off looking a bit shady and old-fashioned on that. However, while
Carmen may have called the show out with some reasoning in her actions, her
continued negative persistence on the show, her obsession with passing as a
woman and her critiquing of other ‘ugly’ trans women bring down whatever sense
she was making in the first place. I point you to President Courtney Act for a
logical and reasonable explanation of why the terms and challenge was wrong –
Carmen just came across like an attention seeking asshole who constantly
refuted any statements she tried to make with ‘I care but I don’t care’ and she
never came across like she cared about the trans community at large – rather
just herself and what she could get out of the situation.
 |
| Yep, I went there girl. |
Woah – that’s a fucking
disclaimer and a half – sorry, do I make myself clear as mud? That’s all a
personal statement and all my opinions as usual.
 |
| Someone agrees with me. |
Anyway, Carmen showed up on
Season 3 as the body girl – Silicone if you like. A plastic surgery lover who
loved getting as naked as possible, she wore a range of different bikinis and
body suits on the runway and didn’t bring a whole lot of versatility to the
season. She holds a number of dubious records including being the first queen
to lip-sync three times and never send anyone home – Cynthia Lee Fontaine
recently also attained this honour – however that was spread across two
seasons. She slid through the competition, with a safe, safe, low, low, safe
sort of record – rarely earning the judge’s praise and more often than not
being growled at by Michelle for relying on her body. She did place high for
the comedy challenge, which I thinks speaks to the lack of comedy queens on
Season 3 more than it does to her strengths (that whole fat girl monologue is
just weird and tells me about her issues with body types more than it makes me
laugh) before given Reggae as her genre in the Rupaulapalooza challenge (side
note can we not have singing challenges on the show anymore?). She was brought
back for the makeover episode – only to be sent home in one of the steamiest lip-syncs
yet by Miss Raja and given her challenge record, her lack of spark and her
post-show shit-show, I still believe she came 6th in the season and
refuse to acknowledge that she left after Shangela – I’m mature like that. (I
also believe the same applies to Kenya).
 |
| Okay... |
Carmen was just kind of there on
the show – Hey Dida - for someone that lasted a long time she really didn’t
give us a heck of a lot to remember her by. Most things I remember are things
people did to her rather than anything else – ‘Silicone’, Alexis’ comment about
her witchy nose and Raja’s performance in their lip-sync – she did impress in
the Spanish Hey Mickey lip-sync and if it wasn’t for the fact it would have
been illegal to send Yara home at that point, Carmen would have survived. I don’t
know, she just never really floated my boat (which is funny, because her body
could float a whole fleet) and I really can’t help wishing that Stacy got to
stick around longer than she did because Stacy was infinitely more interesting
– and come on, we were all robbed of a comedy routine from Henny amIright? And
in a scary foreshadow of her self-obsession, her makeover focussed more on her
and left her athlete floundering – something that tells us a lot about what
came next for Miss Carmen. I don’t know, if I stack her up against other queens
who made it to 6th place (Joslyn/Thorgy/Alyssa/Willam/Jessica Wild)
– that’s an iconic all-stars line-up right there and even forgetting about her
post-show career, she just doesn’t stack up. Maybe she’s too low for you, but
for me – she fits in right here. I CAN'T EVEN FIND FUNNY GIFS OF HER!
|
| Someone still agrees with me |
Post-show, she’s actually been a
success and deserves props for working her street corner but unfortunately, I’m
an educated fish who reads Reddit and as such for all her stupid comments, her
inability to recognise where she came from (including transgender history – she
is not an expert on this subject) and inability to be about anything other than
Carmen Carrera – she floats in right about here.
 |
| Raja stole this but she is a pretty girl. |
My Favourite Moment: I do enjoy
her runway for the QNN challenge – body done right and I love her lip-sync with
Raja – for Raja – I’m sure there’s more I’m forgetting, is there?
Most Iconic Moment: All three of her lip-syncs
– the first for her ability to turn out a Spanish song in style, the second for
Shangela’s destruction of her to Cher and the third for Raja. As well as her
post-show messiness but I’ve ranted about that enough right? She’s also been on
a range of shows and movies and definitely has awareness from people outside
the show – but iconic, meh?
 |
| Beauty fades, dumb is forever. |
Quote: She's not really known for being quotable... Except for!
'Is this a real porcupine or whatever?' in reference to Manila's pineapple dress - Mariah could not deal with it and I live for her stupidity.
'Is this a real porcupine or whatever?' in reference to Manila's pineapple dress - Mariah could not deal with it and I live for her stupidity.
‘my outfit is kinda like if Bob
Marley had a love child with a Puerto Rican and she grew up in Jersey’ – Carmen
has as much knowledge about Reggae as she does about trans history.
‘the only thing Carmen’s got
natural is that witch nose’ – Alexis ruins Carmen’s life in a single moment.
74: Sonique
The Holiday Heart
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| The original sex on legs. |
It’s funny isn’t it, does anyone
else remember Sonique being on the show for four episodes? I certainly don’t
and in terms of memorability, she probably does not rank this high, but in
terms of her post-show work, her visibility for transgendered people and her
ability not to be Carmen Carrera, she deserves to be here. Yes, I’m getting
petty in my dotage and putting Sonique above Carmen just felt right – for my
ranking and so I can sleep at night.
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| She agrees with me too. |
Sonique showed up on Season 2 as
one of the pretty ones, an experienced showgirl with a killer body and an even
better face – she whizzed through the first few episodes, bringing sassy
commentary to the main show and Untucked and became part of a mean girl’s
alliance with Morgan and Raven. Let’s be honest here – if Season 2 had aired
today, Raven wouldn’t have a career and I can’t imagine Morgan or Sonique
coming well out of it either – god I miss those days when people were actually
awful to one another and the drama wasn’t manufactured by noises, editing and
looks. However, after passing through
the competition with very little notice – aside from her critique in the
Starrbootylicious episode (another one of my favourite random episodes) where
she failed to sell pies with a smile (why did they have to sell pies?) and
residing as one of the queens of the Untucked lounge, Sonique came under fire
for her dismal performance of Lady Gaga in the first ever Snatch Game. In
retrospect, we must grade the first Snatch Game on a curve (why Season 4 is the
shit-show of all shit-shows, I will never understand) and to be fair to
Sonique, she is far from the worst Lady Gaga we’ve ever seen on the show (GIVE
US A TWIRRRRRL) – she was, however – the cardinal sin on this show, extremely
boring. After landing in the bottom against her fellow mean girl, Miss Morgan McMichael’s,
in one of the tighter lip-syncs where she got to show off her gymnastics skills
but unfortunately, Miss Morgan delivered the tightest lip-sync seen so far on
the show and sent her (beautiful) ass home.
Look, I get many people won’t
remember Sonique – but I love her. She is the first contestant to admit to
being transgender – in an emotional scene on the Season 2 Reunion, she brought
an element of glamour to the season that other queens didn’t and her runways
were very memorable – I’m a particular fan of her Lady Gaga runway and her
cowgirl realness and she just seems like a talented showgirl who knows her
shit, can perform the house down and deserves more recognition than she’s got
currently for being real, funny, sassy, beautiful and able to just be who she
is as a kick-ass trans woman who doesn’t shit all over where she came from
cough miss Carrera cough. I’d love to see her get a redemption shot at an all
stars season and yes, there are many more deserving candidates, but with the
show’s evolution including trans women from the get-go, I don’t see why Miss
Kylie can’t get another shot to strut her stuff.
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| I mean, work. |
My Favourite Moment: I love that lip-sync
– I know this was before double shantays but this was a worthy one. Yes, Morgan
deserved to stay – especially given her record in the competition at that point
and her tighter lip-sync, but I enjoyed Sonique’s – and man is she a fierce
performer –decimation of this girl and this guy who tried to steal her tips
(what fucking low-lives) shows me the killer instinct I know she’s got in her –
god bless her.
https://www.instagram.com/p/j3gbmTD7fd/
Please click here to witness her slaughter a low life drunk asshole - DON'T touch a queen's tips, bitch.
Most Iconic Moment: Her absolute
murder of Mystique ‘she came up in here looking like Holiday heart’ would have
to be Reddit’s most iconic moment but her lip-sync is probably what she is
remembered for most – watch it again, pure bliss!
Quote:
‘She came up in here looking like
Holiday Heart’ – and then some.
‘It looked like Mortal Kombat’ –
if only she could have seen Shangela’s next lip-sync!
“I think she is a
thirsty tranny who is self-absorbed, she gives zero fucks about her community
or the people who came before her.” – Sonique, in one sentence, justifies me
putting her above Carmen.
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| I know that's right. |
73: Vivacious
Mother
Vivacious stomped onto season 6,
introducing the world to MOTHER, but perhaps more importantly – introducing the
world to Ornacia, her head on her head who instantly shot up the charts of
sickening entrances and hilarious sidekicks. Ornacia now ranks in a rare and
talented pantheon of Drag Race Alumni icons that include la transssbear, Lil’
Poundcake, Frostgela and Ladder. Her entrance went on far too long, trying to
unzip Ornacia was painful to watch, as the edit continually smacked us around
the head with and unfortunately this was only the beginning of the show
shitting all over Vivacious. From her mishearing things on stage during the
critique – making her look like Maggie Smith using an iPhone, to the shady,
shady edit she received during Scream Queens – that pause between her head
reveal and her line was just awful of the editors and purely designed to keep
Adore out of the bottom two – even though it was unnecessary because I thought
it should have been Adore VS Vivacious anyway – it just made the editors look
cunty. By the time they were setting her to lip-sync against the prettiest
queen in the season to a Selena Gomez song
- I think we were all ready for the show to put her out of her misery
and let her go back to doing what she did best and stomping this show into the
ground.
I get why Vi auditioned, I do –
she wanted the exposure and the coverage that the show would bring her, I don’t
think she ever thought she was going to win. At 83 years old, having been a
club kid and a club queen for many years, she was far too settled into her
career and aesthetic to ever be right for the show – as she proved in challenge
one by having the VAGUEST idea of what Game of Thrones was all about and in
episode 2 when she displayed her lack of acting improvisation skills – no
thanks to the editors. While she got to strut her stuff and send an older,
established queen home (Hey Kelly, I’m seeing a pattern here), by her second lip-sync
– she was toast. However, I think the show missed an opportunity with Vi in
that they could have shown where drag came from – one of its many evolutions
that Ru owes half his bloody career too and it would have been nice for the
show to show Vi some respect as the Club Kid movement is half the reason drag
is even noticed these days anyway. She got her due in the reunion with her
fierce gold outfit and Ru letting her have her moment in the sun by showing everyone
the ‘Vi Walk’ and in that moment – you saw a snippet of emotion/reaction from
Ru that showcased the edit that could have been for Vi. Sadly, it wasn’t to be
and for that reason, the icon that Vi is and all that she has done and what the
show did to her – she ends up inside the top 75 – almost purely on name alone.
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| Potato Quality - but look at her, she's royalty goddamnit! |
My favourite moment:
Many moments of Vi’s are my
favourite – I love each of her outfits, she’s just so damned important to
understanding the full picture of drag herstory but ‘LIZA MINELLI, LIES’ is a
quote I use on the daily.
Most Iconic Moment:
Ornacia – successfully launching
herself into the herstory books for good.
Quote:
‘MOTHER, HAS ARRIVED.’
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| Yesssss, how my mother looks at me when I'm hungover but pretending to be okay. |
72: Milan
The Theatre Queen
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| She looks like she's looking for her parents while on the merry go round. |
Oh dear, I am knocking Season 4
out early – am I not? Welcome to the Milan Invasion brought to you by Broadway
& Wig Removals. Miss Milan is another of Season 4’s unfortunate cannon
fodder queens who brought a lot for us to unpack, despite going home in 9th
place.
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| She was a fan of unpacking herself. |
Milan entered season 4 with one
of the cringiest entrances of all time – part of the reason I cringed and I’m
sure the same goes for many of you, is that we all know a girl like Milan. That
awkward theatre kid who goes way too over the top in everything they do and
tries so damned hard – almost a forerunner to Alexis Michelle in a sense, the
Anne Hathaway of drag as it were. She kinda crashed onto the competition,
earning her stripes on the runway but failing rather miserably in the
challenges. I enjoyed her post-apocalyptic couture and she was on Chad’s
winning team for the WTF challenge so she had a good start and I believe she
truly nailed the disco look on the runway in episode 3, but by episode 4, the
cracks had started to show. She gave a lacklustre performance and her lip-sync
to Trouble was the start of three lip-syncs
in a row for Milan, where unfortunately she demonstrated her constant desire to
rip her wig off and perform without it. She was saved for that one, turned out
a fierce lip-sync to Vogue in episode
5 after an awful snatch game to be saved again but by the time episode 6 and
the Milan Invasion came out – we were done and Ru sent her packing after she
ripped off her wig and outfit to Born
This Way – I think she was going for a literal explanation of the song –
showing that she was born a man? Unfortunately with Milan, we really didn’t
need any more proof that she was a man and up against hurricane Baked Potato
herself – there was no competition really.
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| Me at the club when I see a cute guy. PAY ATTENTION TO ME |
While researching for this rank
down (I call it that but really it’s just rewatching the show again and again),
Milan moved up and up these rankings for me. I only remembered her for thinking
she should have been sent home every time she lip-synced, her dreadful Diana
Ross that still gives me nightmares (DON’T watch Season 4’s Snatch Game just
before bed), her attempts to show off her acting skills in the Sitcom Challenge
and her argument in Untucked with Willam – displaying her lack of awareness and
inability to keep quiet. But you know, her Vogue
lip-sync is amazing, Willam’s description of her swiffering the floor with her
taint is an immortal quote for the ages, her runways – especially episodes
1/3/5 were absolute standouts and she is the top toot for the Platinum and Gold
runway by a country mile. Given my age, my appreciation for the different forms
of drag and my inability to go past a messy queen – I’ve got a lot of time for
Milan and on the force of personality and runway alone – here she is! As an
aside, she seems to have disappeared from Social Media – anyone know where
she/he is?
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| HERE SHE IS! Seriously - one of my favourite looks. |
My Favourite Moment:
It’s a toss-up between her subtle
shade during the first lip-sync between Alisa and Jiggly, her Post-apocalyptic
couture, her attempting to captain Madame’s team (such a star, can never resist
an opportunity) and that Vogue lip-sync. I can never decide – maybe the lip-sync,
I’ve tried to be her valiantly so many times – I can only ever get the manly
part down right.
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| Her first few runways were so much better than I remembered |
Most Iconic Moment:
The Milan Invasion and that
Snatch Game – there is no looking past that Snatch Game really, she is the
stuff of nightmares.
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| Again - nightmare material |
Quotes:
‘Coloured Girl, why your base
look like chalk?
‘Black people don’t stand there
when zombies are coming at them, they run bitch’ – one of my favourite
underrated lines.
‘This is called Drag Race, not
Drag Walk’ – poor Alisa never stood a chance if Milan’s shading her on how to lip-sync.
‘Milan was swiffering the floor
with her taint’ – Willam, quoting all of us watching her lip-sync.
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| Is the carpet comfortable? |
71: Laila
The Camouflage Queen
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| She is a star in the making and I won't hear otherwise |
Now, I know some of y’all may
think that I being a straight up, motherf*cking dick pig putting Miss Laila
this high in the countdown, and you’d be right. In one way – I have a soft spot
for Miss Laila, I really do. It could be recency bias, but I don’t think so –
look where Dax and Naysha ended up! I have a soft (hard) spot for Laila because
I truly believe that she was brought onto season 8 to be the cannon fodder
contestant that Naysha ended up being.
She was only around for two episodes,
lip-synced in both of them and based on the shady edit she received in Episode
1, if she hadn’t decimated Naysha in the lip-sync, she would have been on her
way out the door. Normally, I don’t object to cannon fodder contestants because
that’s just part of the show but in the same way Adore got the star edit, I
think Laila with maybe a couple more years under her belt (similar to Aja this
season), could have been a real contender for the crown.
She’s a lip-sync diva, she can beat her face like nobody’s business and she can turn a look – she’s just lacking the confidence and the experience to go all the way and the fact that the editors cast her knowing this is one thing, that they then proceeded to give her a terrible edit is the other. However, she was a star for her two episodes in my opinion (and the fact that she isn’t even the lowest of the second out queens speaks volumes about how much of an impact you can have in very few episodes of this show – and the 60 minute episodes do help), showed up looking amazing to the reunion, has a huge fan-following and being young, is a social media star, her mug is forever on point and her versatility wows me and she appears in WOW videos all the time – sealing her as a future returnee for an all-star season in my humble opinion.
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| I think it's best if we agree not to lie to one another. |
She’s a lip-sync diva, she can beat her face like nobody’s business and she can turn a look – she’s just lacking the confidence and the experience to go all the way and the fact that the editors cast her knowing this is one thing, that they then proceeded to give her a terrible edit is the other. However, she was a star for her two episodes in my opinion (and the fact that she isn’t even the lowest of the second out queens speaks volumes about how much of an impact you can have in very few episodes of this show – and the 60 minute episodes do help), showed up looking amazing to the reunion, has a huge fan-following and being young, is a social media star, her mug is forever on point and her versatility wows me and she appears in WOW videos all the time – sealing her as a future returnee for an all-star season in my humble opinion.
Laila entered Season 8 in one of
my favourite entrance looks of the season, perhaps because of my love for
Beetlejuice, but the purple wig, her mug – everything, she was instantly one of
my favourites. This was made all the more clear by her attempts to look
glamorous in the photoshoot with the other winners – it felt like me in a gay
bar, her quiet ability to throw shade with the best of them (this pride?), her
hatred of camouflage and her outfit for the first design challenge. I
unabashedly loved this outfit – the jacket was everything and the judges should
be ashamed of themselves for the way they ripped into this. It was a bit
unfinished at the bottom – for sure, but looking back on that Post-Apocalyptic
couture from Season 4, girl, not everyone was Sharon Needles and Laila took it
in a funky direction – I totally got her burnt, grey, post-nuclear fantasy and
her wig and make-up again were on point.
She sent Naysha home by doing an epic lip-sync to Applause – a song every good gay knows how to clap along to before sliding under the radar of episode 2 and fading into the background of the Acapella challenge (NOT her fault – there’s a reason the THREE highs that episode came from the other team), delivering an (excellent but maybe not red carpet appropriate) look on the red carpet runway before delivering an admittedly awful lip-sync to I Will Survive – she wasn’t doing too badly but by the time she stripped down and was flopping her body about the floor, I was done too. However, everything about that double elimination felt off and I can’t help feeling like she was set up to fail and subsequently delivered on that. I just wish she’d stuck around a couple more episodes – as you well know, I was well over Dax’s shitty attitude and really wanted to see more of what she had to offer as I think she had a few tricks up her sleeve. Needless to say, I’m excited for her to return one day, I still wish she had returned this season as we really didn’t need to see more Cucu – as much as that pains me to say and I will follow her with interest and see what she does next because I truly believe this was a clever, unripe queen who had a lot more to offer!
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| Still one of my favourite entrance looks - she just lacked the confidence! |
She sent Naysha home by doing an epic lip-sync to Applause – a song every good gay knows how to clap along to before sliding under the radar of episode 2 and fading into the background of the Acapella challenge (NOT her fault – there’s a reason the THREE highs that episode came from the other team), delivering an (excellent but maybe not red carpet appropriate) look on the red carpet runway before delivering an admittedly awful lip-sync to I Will Survive – she wasn’t doing too badly but by the time she stripped down and was flopping her body about the floor, I was done too. However, everything about that double elimination felt off and I can’t help feeling like she was set up to fail and subsequently delivered on that. I just wish she’d stuck around a couple more episodes – as you well know, I was well over Dax’s shitty attitude and really wanted to see more of what she had to offer as I think she had a few tricks up her sleeve. Needless to say, I’m excited for her to return one day, I still wish she had returned this season as we really didn’t need to see more Cucu – as much as that pains me to say and I will follow her with interest and see what she does next because I truly believe this was a clever, unripe queen who had a lot more to offer!
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| You mean I got eliminated with her? Me too girl, me too. |
My Favourite Moment: Her head
slamming performance in the premiere tour? Girl can dance and that move is
everything – but really, it has to be her Applause
lip-sync – I didn’t like this at first but it really grew on me as I
watched it more and more – I would give good doorlahs to see this shit live.
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| But not this. |
Most Iconic Moment: I have to say
that double elimination is what she is remembered for – I mean that lip-sync
was really quite terrible and to such an iconic song as well – every gay knows
that song, it’s their goddamned bread and butter and I want to smack her and
the editors and the producers around the head for the whole cock-up that was
that LFSYL and I expect her to study up on her herstory before she returns!
 |
| Okay? |
Quotes:
‘Let’s turn up the juice and see
what shakes loose’ – Oh Laila, if only you had!
‘I think camouflage is a
disgusting component of human culture’ – why the editors played the shady noise
I don’t know, because she’s right.
We made it! I suspect I'm going to have switch to doing installations of 5 at a time as there's too fucking much I have to say - I feel like Fame - edit me!
See you next time girls :)
