Ranking the Queens of Rupaul's Drag Race 80 - 71

Look at me, it’s Sandra Dee!

I’m back bitches – sorry for the delay but hopefully I’ve written enough to keep y’all entertainted for the time being. I’ve been very busy wrapping up my Masters (yes, I am an educated fish) in transgender representation in teenage literature, dealing with the on season and hot mess that is season 9 so far, guiding a team of 18 through a restructure at work and trying to watch Big Little Lies, Survivor, Feud, Broadchurch and My Kitchen Rules.

So – this is my therapy and I am reporting for duty. I hope you don’t mind the delay, I’ll get there eventually and there is so much going on with season 9 that y’all haven’t missed at all have you?

Yes please

Without any further ado, I wanna welcyum you to the next ten in the great rankdown of RPDR queens. Again, please remember this is my opinion and my opinion only. My word is final, because it’s my fucking blog and just a warning, I have very low taste levels in humour and giffage (I’m even creating my own language, call me Lashawn baby!) . My writing ability and editing skills are non-existent and every joke I make on here hinges off a joke or comment on the show that we love so much. 

Also, I have a very low taste level when it comes to humour, jokes, puns and wordplay – I’m offended by very little and therefore expect you to be the same. Bus jokes are the best basically. If that upset you, get out now, while you still can. 

LET'S DO THIS!

80: Nicole Paige Brooks:

From Atlanta, Georgia

Yes, the hot malicious mess herself has made it all the way to number 80 in the countdown – I could NOT believe it. I was going to put NPB lower down the rankings but she is such a hot mess that I couldn’t deny her a place in the top 80 in MY countdown. For a queen that only ever appeared in two episodes of the competition, she had more of an impact than others did in 5 or 6 episodes, or to put it bluntly, her impact on the fandom was more dramatic than the last time Darienne tried to enter a bouncy castle.

Not sure if you're shading me or not

Maybe it’s because I’m a subreddit nerd, as in I check it on the hour, every hour and barely an hour goes by without a NPBFAG reference. Even that acronym alone never fails to put a smile on my dial and so for this, cherry pah, her bitter, bitter hag attitude to successful queens, her ‘verify me’ bikini shot on an Atlanta highway and her STAR making appearance on FPR – she makes my top 80. But seriously, if you have not seen the witch on FPR, do yourself a solid and go and watch it immediately. My favourite episode EVER and the only one I’ve rewatched (she was shadier than Bianca, funnier than Alaska and even more loveable than MKD in their appearances in the video.)

I mean - look at HUH

Nicole entered the competition as Nicole Paige Brooks from Atlanta, Georgia – who could have had a heart-warming story about being a father and a drag queen but instead, she went the messy route and gave birth to the legend that has expanded into NPBFAG, a meme queen extraordinaire and head chef serving cherry pah, wherever you are. While Nicole Paige Brooks only lasted two episodes, she became iconic in her own right – certainly not through her performances on the show – her first runway was dreary but safe and her performance in the Starrbootylicious challenge was awfully wonderful for all the wrong reasons, but because of her three ‘moments’ on the show – her introduction and immortal reddit meme NPBFAG, her hunt for an 8x10 of her drag mother, Shawna Brooks and her desperate attempts to sell cherry pah! Those three moments would be enough to keep her immortal forever but her continued inability to disappear quietly, her arrest for smoking marijuana, her introduction to reddit, in that same old makeup and two-piece she been wearing since 1999 and the fact that she was recently murdered by non-other than Season 9’s finest, Nina Bo ’Nina, launches her into the top 80 – RIP you messy, messy queen – I hope you’re serving unsexy cherry pah in heaven.

***PAH***

My Favourite Moment:

I love Nicole, I know she’s a messy bitter old trout who is not currently in the sub’s good books because of her CUNTY (not the good sort) attitude to Nina and she doesn’t deserve a pass, but let’s focus on the good times. I’ll never forget her lip-sync with Raja where she displayed all the charisma of a broomstick or her attempt at being sexy, but for me? My favourite moment is her FPR episode with Raven – she’s serving you everything she could have been and serving the BEST shade that show has ever seen.

‘She looks like she ate Elsa’

‘Now that’s how you do a blue duvet’

‘She looks like the winner of the pageant Jiggly went to’

‘Cinch it in at the waist and give it some rah-rah’

‘That must have been the inspiration for this season; they wanted to see it done right’

How a real queen shuts it down

The shade, in that southern drawl – its right mawma.

Most Iconic Moment:

It’s hard to go past her cherry pah, or her introduction to Reddit for iconic moments but it would have to be her 2017 double feature of Prison Honey and Murdered by Nina. I mean, look at this exchange – there are no fucking words to describe it.

- I can no longer find Nina's response in image form but here you are:

'How can U call anyone not polished enough when all u wear is a 2 piece bikini cover girl makeup and the same brown wig u been wearing since 99?, instead of u worrying about me not being polished enough worry about staying out of jail'

BOOM.COM

I shouldn't but I couldn't resist

Quote: I’ve given you the shade you need but really we all know her for

‘My name is Nicole Paige Brooks from Atlanta Georgia’

‘You know you want a taste of cherry pah’

‘Send them all home’

‘It’s just malicious, it’s just gay faggotry’

To anyone questioning how high I've ranked her - she DID that.

79: LaShawn

Rupaul’s Best Friend

I mean, look at what could have been

You know, I actually wanted to rank LaShawn higher than this (and I know, stick to my gut, this is my ranking and all) but the longer I thought about it – the less inclined I was to rank her any higher (and this is generous for a queen who went home second). She gave birth to one of the top 5 iconic quotes of Rupaul’s Drag Race that alongside ‘Not Today Satan,’ ‘Halleloo’ & ‘Back rolls’ has entered the hall of fame for Drag Race references, and was a veritable quote machine and fashion queen for her two episodes but of all the season 4 filler messes, she disappointed me the most. She disappointed me the most because she had the potential – of all the early outs on Season 4 (and I consider that to be everyone before Willam), to go really, really far. She was the fashion queen of Season 4 (not a high bar to clear, but still!) and a consummate seamstress and costume designer, who entered Season 4 giving quotes, shade and sass – left, right and centre and especially at Miss Dida Ritz. She turned out a LEWK for the Apocolapoa challenge, earning a rightful high placement and praise from the judges. However, by episode 2, Wrestling’s Trashiest Fighters, (still one of the most delightfully, bizarre challenges the show has ever had), LaShawn was demonstrating her fundamental lack of performance ability, turning in one of the most underrated worst challenge performances – ever and after taking her shoes off in the lip-sync to the Princess, was sent on her way.

She ain't bothered though

For LaShawn, this show was not meant to be – if you had put her on Season 3, she would have aced that shit as she is easily up there with Bianca and Violet as one of the most competent seamstresses to grace the show. However, on Season 4, if you weren’t a pro, you had to be a messy shit-show to survive and LaShawn unfortunately, was neither of those. Her style, drag and runways would have slaughtered Jiggly, Kenya, Madame and Milan into the ground, but she just wasn’t as out there or as willing to make a fool of herself to survive – and for that, I can’t blame her. Post-show, she enjoys a successful career as a costume designer and enjoys a close friendship with the one and only Latrice, designing beautiful dresses for her and I wish she could have stuck around a bit longer – if only to elevate the runways and provide more entertaining commentary, but for the two episodes that she stuck around, she gave us her money’s worth and then some.

My Favourite Moment: That final runway of hers – stuff it, I truly believe the bubble ball basket couture should have saved her from the bottom. I know she performed abysmally, but I love a good campy runway and I was feeling it.

If not, she will always be in my head for ‘Dida Ritz look a mess with that dry ass weave and awful ass makeup’ which is a quote I aim to use on as many of my friends as possible.

I love this look.

Most Iconic Moment:

‘THIS IS NOT RUPAUL’S BEST FRIEND RACE’ (until season 8 and beyond) - No words needed.

That's right.

Quote:

‘Rupaul just told us to make a Post-apocalocapoca outfit and I have no idea what that means!’ She did pretty well for not knowing what that meant – no matter which way you spell her attempt; it will never fail to make me laugh.

This gif is so brilliant, it will be reused.

78: Mystique

The Chicago Queen

Monique wishes she were this good.

Apparently all it takes to clear the first 22 queens is one iconic quote or three. Here we reach the one, the only, Miss, I am From Chicago, Mystique Summers Madison. Mystique was a funky, chunky queen from Chicago who entered Season 2 with a bang and exited it just as memorably as she arrived. During her short time on the show (although, I do not remember it being three episodes), she introduced us to her two piece and a biscuit, won the fried chicken or WHAT mini challenge (the earlier seasons had the best challenges – bite me), told an excellent story about fried chicken and why she doesn’t eat it, performed terribly in the acting commercial, got into an immortal fight with Morgan (my namesake) McMichaels, showed up looking like holiday heart and performed like a drunken grandma who has just heard country music for the first time which wasn’t enough to compete with Miss Raven in a lip-sync to a Wynona Judd song. (Side note – can we never use Wynona Judd again for a lip-sync?).

THAT'S MY SEAT, CAROL.

In my books, Mystique is an eternally underrated fan favourite – yes, she was a total mess on the show but that Country Queens episode (while hilarious) was a total fucking mess and unfortunately by winning the challenge through her aptitude for eating fried goodness, she was doomed to lose. Captaining in an acting challenge (Adore, Trinity Taylor) NEVER works out in your favour and this is in the days when the show couldn’t afford to riff off the Kardashians and 90210, so they were commercials for shortening (ancient lube), and this was also in the days when Ru had a shady personality and switched the teams halfway through – meaning Mystique was basically doomed from the get-go and true to form, she lost the challenge and was sent home in another murder from Raven. 

While she hardly impressed me throughout her run on the show – there was and is something about her that was fierce. I love her promo shot, her splits are iconic (this was before Latrice, a big girl doing the splits was amazing), she was bullied by the mean girls and stood up for herself and post show – she has lost a tonne of weight, looks gorgeous and is still regularly performing and booked for WOW gigs. I have a soft spot for fierce season 1 & 2 queens because of the lack of exposure they got and the general messiness of the show at that point and Mystique remains a queen in my eyes because of this. And she’s kept going – kept kicking ass, kept looking fierce and has only improved in leaps and bounds since she bowed out in pants and that awful purple top, looking like she was off for an interview as administrator for a public school. 

In all seriousness, look at how awesome she looks.

Also, as an aside – her final two episodes of Untucked are up there with Face of Cakes, Queens of Comedy and any episode PhiPhi and Willam were in as the most iconic.

A lie to yourself is the worst kind of lie

My Favourite Moment:

The first time she did the splits, honey I gagged – I couldn’t believe she could do that and get back up again! Or, I am always partial to her story about Fried Chicken and why she didn’t eat it – girl, just admit it – you like fried chicken. We all do, some more than others, but it’s okay.

Latrice who?

Most Iconic Moment: Bitch, I am from CHICAGO – to that nasty Morgan McMichaels, thereby immortalising herself in the drag canon for all time. She. Did. That. (Back when Untucked was mandatory viewing).

Can you imagine if someone did this today?

Quote:

Some of these queens, the quotes about them are better than the things they say.

‘She came up in here looking like Holiday Heart’ – Sonique, immortalising herself whilst slaughtering Mystique.

Me after half a cosmo too girl.

‘Mystique will finally win a challenge’ Raven displaying her kind and gentle personality when Rupaul introduced the eating mini challenge.

‘Cheeseburger, Taco Bell and a Diet Coke on the Side’ JDF who?

Unless she's deep-fried, of course.

77: Kenya

The Gym Queen

I don't know what this gif is - but it is my new favourite thing in the world.

Speaking of Beyonce! I am aware that Kenya Michaels may have a higher placing in some of your minds, but this is my ranking. I got the same flak with Jade and India and I will use the immortal Bianca’s response here – you like her? Book her.

You could see this live...

Kenya earns her spot here for being the messy, messy, Puerto Rican queen (2.0) on Season 4, who had her fair share of iconic quotes and moments but ends up here by committing several high sins against drag 101. Her Beyoncé snatch game was literally unforgivable, if it wasn’t for Cynthia’s snatch game this season – she would be the worst. At least she tried to make a joke, as awful as it was. Her lip-sync to Natural Woman was abortion worthy and her performance in the sitcom challenge, well, someone died somewhere every time she said ‘I koinda lieeeeke the smeellllll’. I wouldn’t actually have Kenya this low if it wasn’t for the hard-on that Michelle and Billy B had for her. If they hadn’t brought her back, she may have faded politely to the back of my mind, only being brought up in nightmares when I wake in a cold sweat remembering her Beyoncé shitting in her hand and falling asleep and waking up with ‘I’m a survivor’.

I'm serious - don't watch it before bed.

Kenya is a beautiful, fishy queen who is a fierce performer and a great representative for trans women everywhere and I’m sure she would have nailed a Puerto Rican version of Drag Race. Unfortunately, I really feel that the language barrier was too much for her to really, officially compete. With a cast full of fillers like Season 4, she could have given the top 5 a run for their money if she’d had a full grasp of the English Language, however she did not and her run on the show, while memorable, was memorable for all the wrong reasons. Her high points included her performance alongside Latrice in WTF, her hilarious ‘jessusss is a besqueeek’ interlude after PhiPhi and Sharon’s iconic fight and her excellent lip-sync to Vogue against Milan which in my opinion, could have actually saved her. Unfortunately, her low points outweighed her good points and I actually have a thing against her for being rude to Madame who was enough of a loser to begin with. For these petty reasons, and the fact that she was brought back to cover Willam’s DQ, I cannot allow myself to rank her higher – even if she did bring us la transssbeeeaaar.

She was the pretty one - I'll give her that.

My Favourite Moment: Her runway in pink will always be a favourite of mine as will her lip-sync to Vogue. There is no overlooking the genius of her sitcom performance however; it will forever live in my mind reminding me why I love this show much. Season 4 was my first season – which is why I have SUCH strong feelings about this season – PhiPhi and Kenya were the first queens I really disliked which is why Kenya is down here, but that performance was India Weather Girl levels of excellence.

Genuinely love this look.

Most Iconic Moment: I can’t – it’s a three way (not that type, whore) tie between her breaking up the Party City/Showgirl fight with her limited English, her performance in the sitcom challenge and probably, by the length of her pregnant stomach, the winner was her performance in the Lip-sync against Latrice – the real OG murder on stage as Latrice demonstrated how to slaughter someone without taking a step on stage – Peppermint, take notes.

Reach for the stars...

Quote:

‘Jesus is a beseeqqqqquek’ Kenya taking us to church lacked the impact that Latrice did but provided the best moment of Season 4 aside from Latrice's read of PhiPhi

‘I’m a survivor!’ Shudders

The Butch role is never given to anyone remotely butch

‘I kinda loike the smeeelllll… it reminds me of haiiii skuul geeeeem classsss’ CLAP!

This may be my favourite side by side shot of the season - Toddler, Tiaras and Mama Latrice

76: Madame La Queer

The Onkle Queen

Yes, I put Madame above Kenya purely out of spite – so sue me. Madame is the other Puerto Rican queen from Season 4, a whining mess of a queen who shambled into Season 4 and shambled out four episodes later earning a rather lame reputation in the fandom but always being remembered for her captain role in the sitcom challenge and her immortal pronunciation of ‘ewwwwwwww’ and ‘beefer’ (Beaver). However, to Madame’s credit – she did win a challenge, her and Chad’s performance in WTF will go down as one of the highlights of the early season for me and fun fact, she is the earliest queen to go home who actually won a challenge! 

That's right Mami

For me, Madame will be an eternally underrated queen, her mug was on point, she was treated like rubbish by the other queens and she is a fierce drag mother who probably deserved the edit she got, but I would have liked to see her acknowledged a bit more for being the fierce queen she is. Also, as an aside – hating a contestant because they love green is totally unfair, that’s like me hating Michelle because she has breasts – which I do.

Hating this outfit is a valid point though

Madame’s time on the show was mostly her being the butt of the joke and at the time she annoyed the heck out of me, especially her drag name (really, queen? On a season with Sharon Needles – it just didn’t stack up). She entered the workroom and was super excited to see her PR sister Kenya, who subsequently shaded her for not telling her she was entering or something (PR Drag politics, and you thought you had it bad!). 

She slid by the first challenge, won the second – despite her onkle that she damaged and gave many, many confessionals about it, gave an entertaining infomercial in the Glamazons VS Champions challenge (DOOJAAAHHH REMEMA YUURRR FERRSSS TOIMMEEE?) that unfortunately flopped her into the bottom and by episode 4, once again, a plus size queen got put in charge of a team for an acting challenge and got sent home. NOT just any team though, a team with theatre queen, Broadway diva and actor extraordinaire Miss (not Willam) Milan! Combined with Madame’s lack of acting experience, lack of English and general lack of ability to coach a team, Milan took over, Madame perfected her accent and the rest is history! By the time she was wearing pond scum green, ripping her wig off and pointing to one of my favourite songs (Pink’s Trouble) the curtains were closing on her ankle and her time on the show.

Tempest's Inspiration

In retrospect, I appreciate Madame for what she brought to the show. Another queen brought on with limited language skills, I don’t think she was ever intended to be anything more than be the butt of the joke and that saddens me. While I don’t think she would it have made it very far, I wish that casual fans got to see a little bit more about her. She is a consummate professional, an excellent drag mother, has a fierce mug and was hilarious on Ring My Bell a few years back and I hope in time, the fandom can realise the queen she could have been. And also, I just love me a messy queen and I also have ankle problems so maybe that’s why I relate :D

My Favourite Moment: It has to be her performance in the acting challenge – I cannot get over the fact that she put on an accent on top of her accent already. Her cluelessness is an utter treat and her lack of ability to captain that shit-show of a team is why I still believe S4 to be the pinnacle of the show. I also love her mugshot with Willam -  Willam’s reaction to getting paired with her is always my reaction when I get stuck with my mother on board game night.

Woah

Most Iconic Moment: 'EWWWWWWW' – acting gold.

What onkle problem

Quote:

'Are we talking about beevahs or.... ewwwwwwww'

‘FINALLY, I’m not going to be picked last’ – maybe she’s all of us in sports.

‘I wrote a play’ – My Onkle Weent Qluique’ – Madame LaQueer

My favourite thing about season 4

75: Carmen Carrera

The Controversial Queen

Literally the most interesting gif I could find.

Ahh, Carmen – Carmen, Carmen, Carmen. Where do I begin with this one? I’ve been dreading writing her piece because of the controversy that is attached with Carmen. I suppose I should begin with a disclaimer – I do not believe that using the words ‘tranny’ and ‘she-male’ on a show today are okay and I think that season 6 mini challenge was completely distasteful. I do think we need to acknowledge that Rupaul of all people, can say what the fuck he likes – he’s kinda like my grandmother who still refers to people as ‘coloured’ – it doesn’t in any way make it acceptable, and I have been trying to correct her for years, but I also won’t hate on her for using that term. She doesn’t mean it negatively, it’s just what they said (and she’s 86 so I go easy on her – she loves me and my partner and can’t wait to see us get married so props to ya grandmawma). So no, the challenge and the terminology should not have been used on Season 6 and I think Rupaul came off looking a bit shady and old-fashioned on that. However, while Carmen may have called the show out with some reasoning in her actions, her continued negative persistence on the show, her obsession with passing as a woman and her critiquing of other ‘ugly’ trans women bring down whatever sense she was making in the first place. I point you to President Courtney Act for a logical and reasonable explanation of why the terms and challenge was wrong – Carmen just came across like an attention seeking asshole who constantly refuted any statements she tried to make with ‘I care but I don’t care’ and she never came across like she cared about the trans community at large – rather just herself and what she could get out of the situation.

Yep, I went there girl.

Woah – that’s a fucking disclaimer and a half – sorry, do I make myself clear as mud? That’s all a personal statement and all my opinions as usual.

Someone agrees with me.

Anyway, Carmen showed up on Season 3 as the body girl – Silicone if you like. A plastic surgery lover who loved getting as naked as possible, she wore a range of different bikinis and body suits on the runway and didn’t bring a whole lot of versatility to the season. She holds a number of dubious records including being the first queen to lip-sync three times and never send anyone home – Cynthia Lee Fontaine recently also attained this honour – however that was spread across two seasons. She slid through the competition, with a safe, safe, low, low, safe sort of record – rarely earning the judge’s praise and more often than not being growled at by Michelle for relying on her body. She did place high for the comedy challenge, which I thinks speaks to the lack of comedy queens on Season 3 more than it does to her strengths (that whole fat girl monologue is just weird and tells me about her issues with body types more than it makes me laugh) before given Reggae as her genre in the Rupaulapalooza challenge (side note can we not have singing challenges on the show anymore?). She was brought back for the makeover episode – only to be sent home in one of the steamiest lip-syncs yet by Miss Raja and given her challenge record, her lack of spark and her post-show shit-show, I still believe she came 6^th in the season and refuse to acknowledge that she left after Shangela – I’m mature like that. (I also believe the same applies to Kenya).

Okay...

Carmen was just kind of there on the show – Hey Dida - for someone that lasted a long time she really didn’t give us a heck of a lot to remember her by. Most things I remember are things people did to her rather than anything else – ‘Silicone’, Alexis’ comment about her witchy nose and Raja’s performance in their lip-sync – she did impress in the Spanish Hey Mickey lip-sync and if it wasn’t for the fact it would have been illegal to send Yara home at that point, Carmen would have survived. I don’t know, she just never really floated my boat (which is funny, because her body could float a whole fleet) and I really can’t help wishing that Stacy got to stick around longer than she did because Stacy was infinitely more interesting – and come on, we were all robbed of a comedy routine from Henny amIright? And in a scary foreshadow of her self-obsession, her makeover focussed more on her and left her athlete floundering – something that tells us a lot about what came next for Miss Carmen. I don’t know, if I stack her up against other queens who made it to 6^th place (Joslyn/Thorgy/Alyssa/Willam/Jessica Wild) – that’s an iconic all-stars line-up right there and even forgetting about her post-show career, she just doesn’t stack up. Maybe she’s too low for you, but for me – she fits in right here. I CAN'T EVEN FIND FUNNY GIFS OF HER!

Someone still agrees with me

Post-show, she’s actually been a success and deserves props for working her street corner but unfortunately, I’m an educated fish who reads Reddit and as such for all her stupid comments, her inability to recognise where she came from (including transgender history – she is not an expert on this subject) and inability to be about anything other than Carmen Carrera – she floats in right about here.

Raja stole this but she is a pretty girl.

My Favourite Moment: I do enjoy her runway for the QNN challenge – body done right and I love her lip-sync with Raja – for Raja – I’m sure there’s more I’m forgetting, is there?

Most Iconic Moment: All three of her lip-syncs – the first for her ability to turn out a Spanish song in style, the second for Shangela’s destruction of her to Cher and the third for Raja. As well as her post-show messiness but I’ve ranted about that enough right? She’s also been on a range of shows and movies and definitely has awareness from people outside the show – but iconic, meh?

Beauty fades, dumb is forever.

Quote: She's not really known for being quotable... Except for!
'Is this a real porcupine or whatever?' in reference to Manila's pineapple dress - Mariah could not deal with it and I live for her stupidity.

‘my outfit is kinda like if Bob Marley had a love child with a Puerto Rican and she grew up in Jersey’ – Carmen has as much knowledge about Reggae as she does about trans history.

‘the only thing Carmen’s got natural is that witch nose’ – Alexis ruins Carmen’s life in a single moment.

74: Sonique

The Holiday Heart

The original sex on legs.

It’s funny isn’t it, does anyone else remember Sonique being on the show for four episodes? I certainly don’t and in terms of memorability, she probably does not rank this high, but in terms of her post-show work, her visibility for transgendered people and her ability not to be Carmen Carrera, she deserves to be here. Yes, I’m getting petty in my dotage and putting Sonique above Carmen just felt right – for my ranking and so I can sleep at night.

She agrees with me too.

Sonique showed up on Season 2 as one of the pretty ones, an experienced showgirl with a killer body and an even better face – she whizzed through the first few episodes, bringing sassy commentary to the main show and Untucked and became part of a mean girl’s alliance with Morgan and Raven. Let’s be honest here – if Season 2 had aired today, Raven wouldn’t have a career and I can’t imagine Morgan or Sonique coming well out of it either – god I miss those days when people were actually awful to one another and the drama wasn’t manufactured by noises, editing and looks.  However, after passing through the competition with very little notice – aside from her critique in the Starrbootylicious episode (another one of my favourite random episodes) where she failed to sell pies with a smile (why did they have to sell pies?) and residing as one of the queens of the Untucked lounge, Sonique came under fire for her dismal performance of Lady Gaga in the first ever Snatch Game. In retrospect, we must grade the first Snatch Game on a curve (why Season 4 is the shit-show of all shit-shows, I will never understand) and to be fair to Sonique, she is far from the worst Lady Gaga we’ve ever seen on the show (GIVE US A TWIRRRRRL) – she was, however – the cardinal sin on this show, extremely boring. After landing in the bottom against her fellow mean girl, Miss Morgan McMichael’s, in one of the tighter lip-syncs where she got to show off her gymnastics skills but unfortunately, Miss Morgan delivered the tightest lip-sync seen so far on the show and sent her (beautiful) ass home.

Look, I get many people won’t remember Sonique – but I love her. She is the first contestant to admit to being transgender – in an emotional scene on the Season 2 Reunion, she brought an element of glamour to the season that other queens didn’t and her runways were very memorable – I’m a particular fan of her Lady Gaga runway and her cowgirl realness and she just seems like a talented showgirl who knows her shit, can perform the house down and deserves more recognition than she’s got currently for being real, funny, sassy, beautiful and able to just be who she is as a kick-ass trans woman who doesn’t shit all over where she came from cough miss Carrera cough. I’d love to see her get a redemption shot at an all stars season and yes, there are many more deserving candidates, but with the show’s evolution including trans women from the get-go, I don’t see why Miss Kylie can’t get another shot to strut her stuff.

I mean, work.

My Favourite Moment: I love that lip-sync – I know this was before double shantays but this was a worthy one. Yes, Morgan deserved to stay – especially given her record in the competition at that point and her tighter lip-sync, but I enjoyed Sonique’s – and man is she a fierce performer –decimation of this girl and this guy who tried to steal her tips (what fucking low-lives) shows me the killer instinct I know she’s got in her – god bless her.

https://www.instagram.com/p/j3gbmTD7fd/
Please click here to witness her slaughter a low life drunk asshole - DON'T touch a queen's tips, bitch.

Most Iconic Moment: Her absolute murder of Mystique ‘she came up in here looking like Holiday heart’ would have to be Reddit’s most iconic moment but her lip-sync is probably what she is remembered for most – watch it again, pure bliss!

Quote:

‘She came up in here looking like Holiday Heart’ – and then some.

‘It looked like Mortal Kombat’ – if only she could have seen Shangela’s next lip-sync!

“I think she is a thirsty tranny who is self-absorbed, she gives zero fucks about her community or the people who came before her.” – Sonique, in one sentence, justifies me putting her above Carmen.

I know that's right.

73: Vivacious

Mother

Vivacious stomped onto season 6, introducing the world to MOTHER, but perhaps more importantly – introducing the world to Ornacia, her head on her head who instantly shot up the charts of sickening entrances and hilarious sidekicks. Ornacia now ranks in a rare and talented pantheon of Drag Race Alumni icons that include la transssbear, Lil’ Poundcake, Frostgela and Ladder. Her entrance went on far too long, trying to unzip Ornacia was painful to watch, as the edit continually smacked us around the head with and unfortunately this was only the beginning of the show shitting all over Vivacious. From her mishearing things on stage during the critique – making her look like Maggie Smith using an iPhone, to the shady, shady edit she received during Scream Queens – that pause between her head reveal and her line was just awful of the editors and purely designed to keep Adore out of the bottom two – even though it was unnecessary because I thought it should have been Adore VS Vivacious anyway – it just made the editors look cunty. By the time they were setting her to lip-sync against the prettiest queen in the season to a Selena Gomez song  - I think we were all ready for the show to put her out of her misery and let her go back to doing what she did best and stomping this show into the ground.

I get why Vi auditioned, I do – she wanted the exposure and the coverage that the show would bring her, I don’t think she ever thought she was going to win. At 83 years old, having been a club kid and a club queen for many years, she was far too settled into her career and aesthetic to ever be right for the show – as she proved in challenge one by having the VAGUEST idea of what Game of Thrones was all about and in episode 2 when she displayed her lack of acting improvisation skills – no thanks to the editors. While she got to strut her stuff and send an older, established queen home (Hey Kelly, I’m seeing a pattern here), by her second lip-sync – she was toast. However, I think the show missed an opportunity with Vi in that they could have shown where drag came from – one of its many evolutions that Ru owes half his bloody career too and it would have been nice for the show to show Vi some respect as the Club Kid movement is half the reason drag is even noticed these days anyway. She got her due in the reunion with her fierce gold outfit and Ru letting her have her moment in the sun by showing everyone the ‘Vi Walk’ and in that moment – you saw a snippet of emotion/reaction from Ru that showcased the edit that could have been for Vi. Sadly, it wasn’t to be and for that reason, the icon that Vi is and all that she has done and what the show did to her – she ends up inside the top 75 – almost purely on name alone.

Potato Quality - but look at her, she's royalty goddamnit!

My favourite moment:

Many moments of Vi’s are my favourite – I love each of her outfits, she’s just so damned important to understanding the full picture of drag herstory but ‘LIZA MINELLI, LIES’ is a quote I use on the daily.

Most Iconic Moment:

Ornacia – successfully launching herself into the herstory books for good.

Quote:

‘MOTHER, HAS ARRIVED.’

Yesssss, how my mother looks at me when I'm hungover but pretending to be okay.

72: Milan

The Theatre Queen

She looks like she's looking for her parents while on the merry go round.

Oh dear, I am knocking Season 4 out early – am I not? Welcome to the Milan Invasion brought to you by Broadway & Wig Removals. Miss Milan is another of Season 4’s unfortunate cannon fodder queens who brought a lot for us to unpack, despite going home in 9^th place.

She was a fan of unpacking herself.

Milan entered season 4 with one of the cringiest entrances of all time – part of the reason I cringed and I’m sure the same goes for many of you, is that we all know a girl like Milan. That awkward theatre kid who goes way too over the top in everything they do and tries so damned hard – almost a forerunner to Alexis Michelle in a sense, the Anne Hathaway of drag as it were. She kinda crashed onto the competition, earning her stripes on the runway but failing rather miserably in the challenges. I enjoyed her post-apocalyptic couture and she was on Chad’s winning team for the WTF challenge so she had a good start and I believe she truly nailed the disco look on the runway in episode 3, but by episode 4, the cracks had started to show. She gave a lacklustre performance and her lip-sync to Trouble was the start of three lip-syncs in a row for Milan, where unfortunately she demonstrated her constant desire to rip her wig off and perform without it. She was saved for that one, turned out a fierce lip-sync to Vogue in episode 5 after an awful snatch game to be saved again but by the time episode 6 and the Milan Invasion came out – we were done and Ru sent her packing after she ripped off her wig and outfit to Born This Way – I think she was going for a literal explanation of the song – showing that she was born a man? Unfortunately with Milan, we really didn’t need any more proof that she was a man and up against hurricane Baked Potato herself – there was no competition really.

Me at the club when I see a cute guy. PAY ATTENTION TO ME

While researching for this rank down (I call it that but really it’s just rewatching the show again and again), Milan moved up and up these rankings for me. I only remembered her for thinking she should have been sent home every time she lip-synced, her dreadful Diana Ross that still gives me nightmares (DON’T watch Season 4’s Snatch Game just before bed), her attempts to show off her acting skills in the Sitcom Challenge and her argument in Untucked with Willam – displaying her lack of awareness and inability to keep quiet. But you know, her Vogue lip-sync is amazing, Willam’s description of her swiffering the floor with her taint is an immortal quote for the ages, her runways – especially episodes 1/3/5 were absolute standouts and she is the top toot for the Platinum and Gold runway by a country mile. Given my age, my appreciation for the different forms of drag and my inability to go past a messy queen – I’ve got a lot of time for Milan and on the force of personality and runway alone – here she is! As an aside, she seems to have disappeared from Social Media – anyone know where she/he is?

HERE SHE IS! Seriously - one of my favourite looks.

My Favourite Moment:

It’s a toss-up between her subtle shade during the first lip-sync between Alisa and Jiggly, her Post-apocalyptic couture, her attempting to captain Madame’s team (such a star, can never resist an opportunity) and that Vogue lip-sync. I can never decide – maybe the lip-sync, I’ve tried to be her valiantly so many times – I can only ever get the manly part down right.

Her first few runways were so much better than I remembered

Most Iconic Moment:

The Milan Invasion and that Snatch Game – there is no looking past that Snatch Game really, she is the stuff of nightmares.

Again - nightmare material

Quotes:

‘Coloured Girl, why your base look like chalk?

‘Black people don’t stand there when zombies are coming at them, they run bitch’ – one of my favourite underrated lines.

‘This is called Drag Race, not Drag Walk’ – poor Alisa never stood a chance if Milan’s shading her on how to lip-sync.

‘Milan was swiffering the floor with her taint’ – Willam, quoting all of us watching her lip-sync.

Is the carpet comfortable?

71: Laila

The Camouflage Queen

She is a star in the making and I won't hear otherwise

Now, I know some of y’all may think that I being a straight up, motherf*cking dick pig putting Miss Laila this high in the countdown, and you’d be right. In one way – I have a soft spot for Miss Laila, I really do. It could be recency bias, but I don’t think so – look where Dax and Naysha ended up! I have a soft (hard) spot for Laila because I truly believe that she was brought onto season 8 to be the cannon fodder contestant that Naysha ended up being. 

I think it's best if we agree not to lie to one another.

She was only around for two episodes, lip-synced in both of them and based on the shady edit she received in Episode 1, if she hadn’t decimated Naysha in the lip-sync, she would have been on her way out the door. Normally, I don’t object to cannon fodder contestants because that’s just part of the show but in the same way Adore got the star edit, I think Laila with maybe a couple more years under her belt (similar to Aja this season), could have been a real contender for the crown. 

She’s a lip-sync diva, she can beat her face like nobody’s business and she can turn a look – she’s just lacking the confidence and the experience to go all the way and the fact that the editors cast her knowing this is one thing, that they then proceeded to give her a terrible edit is the other. However, she was a star for her two episodes in my opinion (and the fact that she isn’t even the lowest of the second out queens speaks volumes about how much of an impact you can have in very few episodes of this show – and the 60 minute episodes do help), showed up looking amazing to the reunion, has a huge fan-following and being young, is a social media star, her mug is forever on point and her versatility wows me and she appears in WOW videos all the time – sealing her as a future returnee for an all-star season in my humble opinion.

Laila entered Season 8 in one of my favourite entrance looks of the season, perhaps because of my love for Beetlejuice, but the purple wig, her mug – everything, she was instantly one of my favourites. This was made all the more clear by her attempts to look glamorous in the photoshoot with the other winners – it felt like me in a gay bar, her quiet ability to throw shade with the best of them (this pride?), her hatred of camouflage and her outfit for the first design challenge. I unabashedly loved this outfit – the jacket was everything and the judges should be ashamed of themselves for the way they ripped into this. It was a bit unfinished at the bottom – for sure, but looking back on that Post-Apocalyptic couture from Season 4, girl, not everyone was Sharon Needles and Laila took it in a funky direction – I totally got her burnt, grey, post-nuclear fantasy and her wig and make-up again were on point.

Still one of my favourite entrance looks - she just lacked the confidence!

She sent Naysha home by doing an epic lip-sync to Applause – a song every good gay knows how to clap along to before sliding under the radar of episode 2 and fading into the background of the Acapella challenge (NOT her fault – there’s a reason the THREE highs that episode came from the other team), delivering an (excellent but maybe not red carpet appropriate) look on the red carpet runway before delivering an admittedly awful lip-sync to I Will Survive – she wasn’t doing too badly but by the time she stripped down and was flopping her body about the floor, I was done too. However, everything about that double elimination felt off and I can’t help feeling like she was set up to fail and subsequently delivered on that. I just wish she’d stuck around a couple more episodes – as you well know, I was well over Dax’s shitty attitude and really wanted to see more of what she had to offer as I think she had a few tricks up her sleeve. Needless to say, I’m excited for her to return one day, I still wish she had returned this season as we really didn’t need to see more Cucu – as much as that pains me to say and I will follow her with interest and see what she does next because I truly believe this was a clever, unripe queen who had a lot more to offer!

You mean I got eliminated with her? Me too girl, me too.

My Favourite Moment: Her head slamming performance in the premiere tour? Girl can dance and that move is everything – but really, it has to be her Applause lip-sync – I didn’t like this at first but it really grew on me as I watched it more and more – I would give good doorlahs to see this shit live.

But not this.

Most Iconic Moment: I have to say that double elimination is what she is remembered for – I mean that lip-sync was really quite terrible and to such an iconic song as well – every gay knows that song, it’s their goddamned bread and butter and I want to smack her and the editors and the producers around the head for the whole cock-up that was that LFSYL and I expect her to study up on her herstory before she returns!

Okay?

Quotes:

‘Let’s turn up the juice and see what shakes loose’ – Oh Laila, if only you had!

‘I think camouflage is a disgusting component of human culture’ – why the editors played the shady noise I don’t know, because she’s right.

We made it! I suspect I'm going to have switch to doing installations of 5 at a time as there's too fucking much I have to say - I feel like Fame - edit me!

See you next time girls :)