Ranking the Queens of Rupaul's Drag Race: 90 - 81

Bitches, I'm baaaaack!

(I know, I can see you all cringing too).

Firstly, welcome back to the next ten - it took me way longer than I thought and I wrote far too much about queen so please, if someone wants to edit my bullshit HOLLAH!

Would it be rude to ask PhiPhi for editing help?

Secondly - thank you, I'm a little overwhelmed at the response to round one of this rankdown! Comments, messages, kind queens, shady ladies, the odd bitch and 7000 views and counting - so thank you very much.

Thirdly - Please, by all means disagree with me, come for me, cut my wigs up! Do your own rankdown, argue with me, back up your points but just remember, when you choose to insult me/my writing/what I'm doing - you're doing exactly the thing that you are critiquing me for. I don't mind, any response is a good response but do be shady, just try and be a lady about it!

If, after all that - you still feel the need to tell me how pointless this is and how I need a life, make like this gem of a song and Look Away. Go outside and leave me in my basement - doing my thing and whether or not you say your piece, both of us are going to continue to exist, living our lives and being who we are with absolutely no changes - you are as pointless to me as I am pointless to you - there, kapiche, okay.com - yes I've got my own domain!

Lastly, I am attempting shade yes - I am not doing this based on who are the queens are as people, I am subjectively ranking heavily edited, reality television personalities that are in and of themselves, made-up, often comedic identities formed by someone who underneath it, may not be anything like their drag identity - it's all subjective and I believe if you enter a reality competition, you open yourself up to these posts. It's all me and my opinion, it's nothing but a bit of pointless fun to keep us amused! (I live in New Zealand! I've only ever met Bianca - I only know what Logo chooses to show - as do the majority of us!)

Here's your next ten! I'll probably pause now as on-season is about to start and keep it up in the offseason, if y'all are keen to read more!

Kiss my Cucu

90: Sasha Belle

The Lobster Queen

See how long it takes you to look away from this

Miss Sasha Belle kicks off our next round of queens and chances are, I misunderstood the assignment and placed her in the wrong place (hint, she was originally 92), but hey, after thinking about it – Sasha is iconic in her own way and deserves this place amongst the second group of queens. 

She's thanking me

If round one swerved between queens who had no self-awareness to those that didn’t try or were simply forgettable, round 2 brings us the train wrecks, disasters and hilariously iconic queens for all the wrong reasons. In my humble playbook, a stunning lack of self-awareness (Vivi, Serena)  or competency, that is washed over by a lack of memorability or attempts to try in the competition (Dax, India, Phoenix, Alisa) will consistently be trumped by train wrecks because that’s what I pay the good dollars to my internet company to illegally stream and watch. So while you may argue that India or Dax are better at the art of drag than Sasha, (and I would agree with you) I’d much rather watch Sasha lip-sync with her tits falling out of her dress or misunderstanding the assignment over Dax any day.

Reach for the stars because...

Sasha entered season 7 with possibly the most uncomfortable entrance ever, with an homage to Wynona Judd – she stomped aggressively in going ‘Say hello to my little FRRIEEENDDDSSS’ and then threw the two guns on the table and walked just a little bit more to pose awkwardly - this will never get old. (Honestly, rewatch the way she throws her guns onto the table – it’s very, that) and the editors gave us a subtle clue that she wasn’t going to be around for long with Kennedy’s confessional ‘Girl, sorry. No. Naixt’. She performed badly in the nude illusion and to this day, I will attest that she should have lip-synced episode 1 – over Kandy (yes, I went there) but against Tempest. She did not lip-sync however, and managed to somehow slide through wearing a black bra for a nude illusion challenge (I can just imagine the steam coming from Michelle’s ears) only to perform dismally in episode 2 (whether that was because of the part or not, I don’t know but she should have left her hair alone) and had the bad luck of going against Katya in a lip-sync for the ages and by the end of it even her tit had given up on her and was attempting to run away from her body. While in the competition, she wore a lobster dress, started a fight with Pearl by saying she should be in the bottom (she sees you Reddit, don’t worry) and unfortunately decided she was a Miss Marple level code-cracker who had figured it all out, not something you should be saying episode 1 and leaving episode 2, Miss Nancy Drew.

I still don't get it

Hear me out, I do think Sasha is one of the queens from Season 7 who I genuinely don’t need to see again – she didn’t overly impress me, I found her drag tired and her voice always seemed ‘whiney’ to me, but what Sasha did do and what helped her escape the bottom 10, is that she ran with the opportunity Drag Race gave her. Her drunk makeovers, her little mini drag race contest, her family of Belle’s and her premiere outfit series (Kim K still kills me) showed a queen who was aware of the platform she had been given and despite her run on the show, made the most of it and came out smelling of, well, not roses, but something decent. She worked for it, worked hard and despite either lip-syncing or being in the bottom of all three episodes she was in, she ran away with a quote or three, a meme, a lobster dress, a qualification in codes all while looking like Jolly the Green Giant – quite an impressive career for John Goodman herself! Add to that her sudden post-show, masc 4 masc Instagram posts and you’ve got a package for the ages.

Girl knows her audience.

Iconic Moment: 'I misunderstood the assignment' with that one quote Sasha immortalised herself as a meme queen for the ages.

I still love this one though - John Goodman!

My Favourite Moment: Well, I love her lip-sync with Ginger – she saved Ginger’s ass in that lip-sync in my opinion but the throwing of the fan on the first runway on season 7 will always be a standout moment for her  as will her attempt at Kim K on the red carpet for Season 7's premiere. Bless her heart.

Quote: ‘I wore a lobster dress’, Sasha Belle sums up her time on Season 7 in 5 beautiful words.

89: Kelly

The Bacon Queen

WoOOoooO! Oh Kelly, another disappointment I’m afraid. I entered season 6 as a reddit newbie (I know!) and had only seen the rumours and predictions that A) Bianca broke her leg, B) Gia died and C) Kelly, Courtney and LaGanja were the top 3. Now, I love a good comedy queen – especially one that can act and I did my research and I wasn’t bowled over by Kelly, I thought everything she did, Dela/Darienne/Bianca did better and funnier (yes, I know they’re not the same) but I trusted and believed and was like, alright, let’s see what you’ve got. However, one thing led to another and we all know how it ended. Sizzle, fry, splat.

Ohh girl.

Kelly entered the competition with a ‘Woo, are you girls ready to rock and roll?’ in a rather unfortunate choice of outfit and nothing ever seemed to click with her. I still can’t tell if her entrance look and line is meant to be funny or not – but I live for it in an ironic way (and Gia’s reaction is the cherry on the top). She did terribly with her Downton Abbey box and only became iconic for her bacon dress. After a rather lacklustre performance to ‘Express Yourself’ against a tub-thumping great grandmother of dragons, she packed her bags and went home – thus instilling in me a hearty distrust about what I read on the internet! I must admit also, as a huge Downton Abbey fan I was severely, dowager level unimpressed with what she came up with – I suspect she’s watched as much Downton Abbey as Magnolia’s watched Drag Race and I was just really underwhelmed with what she brought to the competition for her one episode – even her lip-sync disappointed, our predicted top 3 was not to be and Kelly’s probably never eaten bacon again.

Iconic - yet, was she in on the joke?

But – after all that, much like Miss India Ferrah, I don’t think Kelly Mantle is a bad drag queen. I think she’s a fierce queen who just didn’t translate to the competition and her post-show career has been really interesting to watch and really, she ends up here on the list for being the first gender fluid person to be considered for both best supporting actor and best supporting actress at the Academy Awards! No, she was never going to be nominated, but what a cool thing to actually be possible. So yes, she's a professional queen who has achieved quite a lot since season 6 - and LOGO and WOW love her don't they? I do think that yes, she was screwed over by the split premiere but given her disappointing performance, it's hard to imagine where she would have fit in amongst the standout stars of season 6 and for such a hyped queen, it seems oddly fitting that she was the first to leave and she did, to her credit, laugh at herself and show what a graceful queen she is.

Iconic Moment: The Bacon Dress. Girl, what was she thinking? I expected so much more! (and I only hate her a little for doing Downton Abbey wrong like that).

My Favourite Moment:

Exhibit A:

NYC Premiere - I began to suspect she was not top 3 bound

Exhibit B:

Imagine if she was actually an Oscar nominee with this on her resume - Meryl could never.

Quote:

'Don't eat Bacon' - Kelly, Jewish Advocate for the ages.

Willam you are not.

88: The Princess

The Meth Addict

Don't lie - this is how you remember her

Ahh, the Princess. The Princess was a fierce, fierce look queen who had the misfortune of being cast on the charisma fest that was season 4. Unfortunately everything that the Princess was, Sharon Needles did better – yes that may be harsh, but where is the lie?

The Princess entered Season 4 as an edgy, punk queen who stood out for her fierce bald promo picture but otherwise blended in and didn’t exactly stand out in the crowd. She did WOW in the post apocaloca challenge with her ‘Waterworld’ themed look – literally, the only one to do something different with the theme may have made her stand out more than the others, but regardless, it was a fierce look that could have won if Sharon wasn’t being iconic and putting Drag Race on the map! She had an awkward flirtation with Sharon in Episode 2 – honestly, I felt very sorry for everyone involved in that scene – bored everyone in WTF with a lacklustre performance and eked out a win over LaShawn Beyond in a rather underwhelming Donna Summer lip-sync. If Lashawn had kept her shoes on, I suspect she would have made it through to another week over the Princess and her dollar store punk look for a ‘girly-girl’ runway, I know, it was a cute look but it really wasn’t anything that Avril Lavigne wasn’t doing aged 7. Eventually, she underwhelmed in the Glamazon/Champions challenge with a lack of charisma and an inability to learn the lines (see Monica) and as we all unfortunately know, was murdered by high drag lip-sync royalty Dida Ritz on the main stage – becoming the first queen to be carted away in a body bag.

She went to the PhiPhi school for self-esteem

Now – again, The Princess is a bloody fierce queen who probably deserves to be a little higher on this list, but again – she suffered a lack of personality for a show like this – much like other queens on this list, she just didn’t translate to the messiness of reality television well. She was creative, capable, could paint for the gods and had a fierce aesthetic but I really don’t believe she tried her hardest. She was put in the bottom two for an inability to create a character and get into it and then in the follow challenge, forgets her lines and doesn’t act it up enough – like c’mon girl, the first thing you do is learn those lines! And if you forget them, do a JDF and cry, wail and drag the camera your way in order to give yourself some screen time/a story – if you can’t help yourself… of course, there was no saving her from the annihilation performed by Dida – even though she wasn’t THAT bad, but I believe if she’d tried a little harder, she could have avoided the bottom two in the first place.

Yes girl, I went there

Iconic Moment: Unfortunately that lip-sync – for all the wrong reasons.

My Favourite Moment: That Waterworld fantasy – so, so cool and a promise of more that was never delivered on.

Promised me so much!

Quote: ‘You are exactly the type of guy I go for – that whole meth look’ – in that moment, we all needed an adult and rehab.

87: Honey Mahogany

The Kaftan

Why is Honey higher than Vivienne? I hear y’all firstly; I am not nice to Miss Vivienne. I do not know her personally and am basing everything off a highly edited reality show, social media presence and an awfully run wig company/business and totally own that and accept your criticism (but write something yourself then tell me off for being shady okurr?) Honey seemed nicer, funnier, sweeter and a little bit fiercer. 

She's telling me not to tell Vivienne

She swished into season 5 and didn’t overly impress in anything really, I do feel that she gave more to the competition than Vivi did and certainly was more amusing in Draggle Rock (the entire puppetry scene is pure art really) and the Lip-sync Challenge – in fact, she did rather well as Mystique in the lip-sync challenge which is ironic given what we know now. Unfortunately, a lack of an ability to stand out in a competition of hungry piranhas, a penchant for being sweet rather than anything else and a disturbing collection of bed sheets/kaftans combined with an alarming runway walk and an inability to go big in her performances led to her bottom 2 appearance after the ballet performance against Miss Vivi. She wasn’t awful on her season and if she really had pulled out the stops in the lip sync, I think Ru would have deigned to let her stay one more episode as Miss Vivi was on borrowed time already.

YES, I went there

However, with her kaftan realness, sweet nature and an argument that ‘in San Francisco, the look doesn’t matter’ for her defense of her drag (not that she should be defending her drag but that’s a whole different argument), she wasn’t giving me the ‘piss and vinegar’, I like from my queens. She was giving me water crackers with cheddar cheese when I want the strongest blue on the shelf. On rye bread. However, she was sweet, can sing, knew when to laugh at herself and if you look at her exit speech when put next to Miss Vivienne’s, you get why she’s higher and forever more fondly remembered than her exit partner.

Iconic Moment: The double elimination unfortunately for her. Was it deserved? Yes. And it saved us from Honey and Vivi in snatch game, let’s be real – S5 Snatch Game was awful enough without their ‘acting’ adding to it.

My favourite moment: I am partial to her fondness for kaftans and her literal stomp down the runway – episode 3’s stomp is a thing of beauty. 

Quote: ‘Bed, Bath, Beyoncé.’

She's sipping on Delusion

86: Victoria 'Porkchop' Parker

THE Pork Chop

A Queen for the Ages

Now, I heard y’all asking where Porkchop was on the first list of ten – I did. However, Porkchop is iconic, memorable, delightful and everything I grew up knowing drag as. Despite my writing style, my immaturity and my love for petty shade throwing on Microsoft 95 quality blogs, I am rather old and I know my herstory. These days, the online communities of Facebook and Instagram seem to think the skinnier and fishier the twink, the better the drag queen. However, I grew up with Divine, Dame Edna and yes, Rupaul and when I first started going into bars, the only queens around were the overweight queens who were builders during the day and painted for the cheque shop down the street at night.

Victoria ‘Porkchop’ Parker was on the first season of Drag Race, the land before time, and was the first ever queen to sashay away. This gives her a special status above all other first-out queens and has earned her the honour of being acknowledged by Rupaul (the only queen’s name he remembers without fail) at every reunion. Aside from this, what else is she remembered for? Not much to be perfectly honest – but I think that’s legacy enough don’t you? As a queen, she was a polished old showgirl that had perhaps settled into her drag too much to adapt and show that she had CUNT for this show. I think she had the T & the C down pat and probably deserved to outlast Rebecca and Akashia on the show, but I think in season one, she didn’t bring enough U and N to stand out from the competition and was trounced in a lip-sync by Akashia and sent home rather promptly and swiftly for a queen who brought such a wealth of experience to the show. However, she did not know how to sew (at this point, it’s basically a death sentence but given it was the first season, I’ll let it slide) and her final outfit was the first she’d made in her life – and it looked like a football field to boot! Combine this with the stumble on the runway and you have the exit/birth of a Porkchop legend. She kick-started a long legacy of older, campy queens going home first or second and I was genuinely sorry to her see go, not because we missed out on fierce drag and gag-worthy moments but because she seemed like a fun, working gal who represented where drag came from and was there for a good time, to show off her craft and have fun (cough Rebecca cough). 

See? She agrees with me.

Iconic Moment: ‘Hey Porkchop’ – she rolls with the joke and brings it to you every ball!

Sure, Jan.

My Favourite Moment: I love Porkchop at the VMAs – totally feeling her fantasy at age 83 and I adore her sweet personality and everyone should watch the documentary ‘Pageant’ and see what a genuine, talented queen she is but her favourite moment for me will always be her explanation of her thought process around the difference between drag ‘dressed as girl’ in the bar to have a good time, and ‘female impersonation’ where men make a career of impersonating women. It was so clear and well explained and I don’t know – I just love her? Maybe I should put her above Rebecca for genuine sweetness…

She's a Lady

Quote: ‘I can do things as Victoria that I would never get away with as Victor’ – so, so true for most Drag Queens.

‘That’s how I feel’ – shouting at the reunion after the epic you’re a star meltdown with all the miss entitled things. She gets it, she is experienced, she knows life and she’s grateful for the opportunity – Ru sees that and I believe that’s why he throws her a bone every reunion – for being such a good example of a graceful, classy and timeless queen who is not entitled and understands that you have to work for everything you have. Cough Tammie, Cough Rebecca, Cough Shannel, Cough Jade, Cough Akashia.

85: Akashia

The Pregnant One

Well well well, here we are – Miss Akashia herself. If Porkchop brought the class, elegance and old-school pageantry to season 1 then Miss Akashia brought the train into station and crashed it all over the first three episodes on season 1. Has there been a queen with a worse record in the competition? Serena only lasted two episodes so I think Miss Akashia takes the crown. 

But she is an icon

Let’s be honest here - what do we really watch RPDR for? It’s not the glamour, it’s the messiness and Akashia set a bloody high bar for train wrecks to follow. She entered the competition, unpolished, messy and relying on that body and flopped on all three challenges she was in - Drag on a Dime, Girl Groups and the Oprah challenge. But she didn’t just flop in a Sasha Belle way, she brought the house down with her, let everyone know how she felt and read everyone to filth while she was at it. She read Porkchop to filth ‘maybe the makeup is afraid to stay on your face’ and ‘you look like a football field’ - still one of my favourite reads to this day, (hint, don’t use it on your mother when she’s wearing green, you will get slapped), fell over on the runway, wore as little clothing as she could and immortalised Shannel’s flabby ass for everyone to see and went home about as messy as she entered.

I mean look at HUH

And yet, you can’t (unlike the next girl on this list) hate her. She demonstrates a level of self-awareness that is beautiful to watch, she knows exactly the kind of girl she is (MORE on that later), she knows her strengths and she knows her weaknesses. She’s not afraid to throw shade, read a bitch, walk down the runway showing her ass (that’s pure muscle) and she can lip-sync the house down and for her three episodes, she gave us the most excellent memes, quotes and a wonderful gif of her falling for the ages. While her performance on the show was miserable, she is the first queen to give a real lip-sync for your LIFE (honest t though, was it made more impressive by Miss Tammie doing nothing alongside her?) and she gave us the $20 she charges while on the show (and wasn’t it nice to see her on the AS2 Comedy show?) and I hope she’s charging more these days and life is working out for her at Starbucks or TV Guide or wherever she ended up!

Iconic Moment: That Lip-sync, she broke the ‘motherfucking’ dawn, y’all - and made Michelle Williams cry - whether Michelle was crying over the lip-sync or having PTSD over being the third member of Destiny’s Child, we’ll never know but for Akashia’s legacy - we’ll pretend it’s the lip-sync. Of course, these days there are so many iconic lip-syncs, but this was the OG of them all.

Or the fall, immortalised here for your pleasure. 

My Favourite Moment:

 There are no words, simultaneously demonstrating her talents and her faults. Live on queen.

Quote: "If I was a girl, I'd be a stripper, or a slut pregnant with a whole bunch of children.” - That’s the self-awareness I’m talking about.

"It looks like you’re ready to give a $20 hand job" - From Santino to Akashia critiquing her dollar/thrift store outfit from the 1st episode. Unlike Alyssa’s dress, Santino doesn’t lie this time.

84: Rebecca

Wendy Pepper/Satan/Maleficent/Villain/Mall Queen

I couldn't resist.

Alright, the first top 3 queen to fall on her sword is the one and only Miss Rebecca. I know many of you probably think she’s too high but let’s give her her due – she did make it to the top 3. That puts her in the same class of queens such as Courtney, Roxxxy, Phi2, Jujubee, Pearl, Naomi and Alexis Mateo. I know, I can hear you screaming from here BUT SHE DOESN’T DESERVE TO BE, well no – she didn’t but Ru kept her there – against all odds and it isn’t exactly her fault she ended up in the top 3 either. I feel if she was sent home when she should have been, against Jade, and Jade had been sent home the next week, Rebecca would be a memorable villain who made it as far as she should have and season one would have had the strongest top 4 ever.  

But instead...

However, fate did not work that way for Miss Glasscock and she became the most infamous member of any top 3 in drag race history and that’s not just because she entered the competition in jeans. Rebecca strikes me as a genuinely deeply insecure person, her tendency to lash out at other queens, tape her area of the table so no one else touches it and her reliance on the beauty of her face tell me that she’s deeply insecure and unable to relax, have fun and constantly was on edge throughout her 8 (8!) episode run on drag race.  For me, most successful drag is being in on the joke and knowing when to relax and laugh at yourself – Rebecca could not do that. Her one mode was compete and defend and because of this, she found her way to the top 3 of Season 1 but also found herself with virtually no fan base and barely a career after the show. Admittedly, you have to grade the season one girls on a different scale as it was such a tiny, unknown phenomenon at that point but even for them, Rebecca is virtually non-existent these days (literally, I can only find her boy Instagram at that).

No, I'm the staaaaar

Rebecca’s idea of drag, unlike Porkchop, is one-dimensional, shallow and basic. She has one mode – resting on pretty and used this to her advantage in the competition, winning the makeover challenge (the horror!) and winning two lip-syncs (again, she should not have beaten Jade and if Shannel had tried – there was no question who would have gone onto the top 3). If I had to compare her to another queen? Vivienne Pinay – they think being fishy and pretty is all you need to do to be a drag queen and that pisses me off more than anything.

But you know what? She made top 3, I don’t think her defensive attitude came from a place of bitterness, I just think it came from a place of insecurity and a lack of understanding and I think if she had gone home in 6^th place, we wouldn’t be having these discussions – she would have faded into the pantheon of RPDR history quite nicely, been immortalised for wearing jeans as her entrance look and all would have been right in this world.

Iconic Moment: Where to begin – the fact she wore jeans for two challenges? Girl, Michelle would be in a body bag if she was the judge back then. But for me, her iconic moment is her final runway dress – a travesty of a final runway but the killer bit? SHE’D WORN IT ALREADY IN THE COMPETITION. Girl, no, you don’t do that – season 1 is the shortest season, she had no excuse for wearing that hideous dress again, jeans and t shirts DON’T take up THAT much room in the suitcase so you could have packed another damned dress and maybe some proper shoes, not those Velcro sandal everyone getting primary school flashback nightmares! Forget CHU go HOME. GOODBYE.

No words needed

My Favourite moment: That entrance look just cracks me up – if she walked in in that look today, you know Ross would be fired out of a cannon ball directed by Visage to blast her ass home to get changed. But really, let’s not forget, she could NOT walk in heels. I mean, were I to do drag, I would get out of my mother’s basement, go to her wardrobe and practice walking in stilettos until my toes bled. I just find it fascinating that her idea of drag was looking as fishy as possible, yet she couldn’t walk in heels – one of the defining ‘womanly’ features her limited brain should be aspiring to. Girl. No.

A Queen for the People

Quote: ‘I’ve learned to embrace my bitchiness’ – if only you’d owned it and turned it into a successful career.

83: Tempest

Baby Mama

Real talk though: This outfit was fierce.

Oh sweet Tempest – the beauty about doing your own rankdown (and the controversy), is that your own tastes come through. As you can see, I have a soft spot for older, campy, kitschy queens who go home too soon – Tempest is another one in a long line of older queens to go home first and yet, I can’t help finding her expired brand more appealing than that of Sasha, who outlasted her.

Tempest entered the competition by virtue of being the oldest woman in the world to give birth or something like that right? Just jokes, she entered the competition as the oldest contestant ever and promptly gave birth to Amber Alerts on walking in to the workroom. I’m still on the fence about whether this was a classic comedy moment or utterly cringe worthy but either way, it became iconic. She was then asked how old she was by someone, I can’t remember who (and no, don’t worry, the Kandy Who jokes never get old), which led into an episode long feud that ended up with Tempest and Kandy lip-syncing where Kandy demonstrated her one talent. Beating up old ladies. Tempest unfortunately sashayed away at the end of that episode, and on her return to the competition in the makeover episode, ended up lip-syncing again – is Tempest the only queen to appear in two episodes, lip-sync and be sent home both times? Absolutely. Congratulations my dear, you are the biggest loser.

I feel like Kandy in this moment

But literally, she was the biggest loser. I think the reason I do adore Tempest so, is her inspiring underdog story where she went from being morbidly obese to putting down the bucket of chicken for her family. She lost a shit tonne of weight, had to put her life back together after a hideous car accident and just seems to be such a ‘mom’ figure – simple, likeable and loveable and I can’t help but love her sweet nature and fresh attitude that she brought to the competition and I DO think season 7’s acting challenges were weaker without her.

Just a working mom doing it for the kids

However, what we also must acknowledge is that unfortunately, Tempest was a costumer professor. Not just a self-proclaimed designer – but a fucking teacher of costume design. I’ve heard a lot of people say that Sasha and Jasmine should have been in the bottom 2 for episode one, but I firmly believe it should have been Tempest and Sasha – Tempest had three hideous outfits, spring, summer and her nude illusion. I don’t care whether she lost a lot of weight and wasn’t sure how to embrace her new body – she teaches this shit and wore that! So she was a very deserved exit, but she embraced her exit, laughed at herself and her and MKD are my spirit aunties who appear to be having the time of their lives post-show and I can’t help myself gal, I love me an old comedy queen. (Also WOW – I would give you good doorlahs to watch a Senior/Golden Girls version of UNNHHH starring MKD and Tempest).

I assume these aren't in the college brochure for her class

Most Iconic Moment: That entrance, beautiful and horrific – rather like her time on the show.

My Favourite Moment: I love her with Trixie in this WOW video – giving me all the cougar aunt I need but I can’t go past her wearing crabs on her nude illusion – she knew she didn’t have much to sell so she dressed it up with humour and I can’t help loving a crude, old innuendo – but much like the bread, where the hell did the crabs come from?

Quote: ‘You’re never too old to dream’

This doesn't need a caption

‘I decided that my future was more important than that bucket of fried chicken – really girl? You sure? Because KFC on a hangover is worth death – believe you me.

82: Monica Beverly Hillz

The Only Girl in the World

Serena finally learns her place

First of all, I have nothing but the utmost respect for the Trans community and as someone who has worked for the LGBTQIAA community for many years, I mean nothing by my jokes and asides - humour helps, I'm from the Bianca school of thought in this regard. (I only wish I was as funny) - So to the people ripping into me for my 'jokes' - please piss off.

Now, I have huge admiration for Monica as a Trans woman and an activist off the show, but girl, really queen? Has there ever been a queen less enthused to be a part of the show? I'm sorry but no - she was not ready, she wasn't in the headspace to deal with being on the show, her emotional state wasn't ready and while I 100% firmly believe in the importance of her story and having transwomen on the show, I can't help comparing her to the first 20 minutes of season 9 and the comfort of Miss Peppermint both in herself and with the competition (totally unfair, I know) and ask why?

I get what the producers wanted to do and her story is a super heartfelt part of the season, but I just can't help looking at her levels of enthusiasm, emotion and not feel like A) Girl, why didn't you wait? So much potential? And B) The producers totally had to know she wasn't ready for this - and not in a Serena ChaCha, she will never be ready and will always be a messy slut way, but in an emotionally prepared, up for the level of the competition way. I can't help feeling they exploited a queen for television, which of course is what we all love, but looking at the confidence and power of Miss Peppermint, I wish they'd left her alone for a few years and brought her in when she was ready.

If only she kept this level of energy

That doesn't mean that I think she'd win the competition of course, Monica entered Season 5 and slid by under the radar in the first challenge. Only to perform dreadfully in the second challenge - this of course was because she was distracted by her secret that culminated in a hugely emotional reveal as the first openly trans woman on the show, while competing and her trouncing Miss ChaCha and sending her home (earning her countless brownie points in the fans' eyes) in a powerful lip-sync to 'Only Girl in the World'. Now, many people blame her challenge performance on her emotional state and while that played a part in it, I direct you to her performance in 'Draggle Rock' as evidence that it was not ALL to do with her emotional state and part of it is A) she is just not good at acting challenges and B) her enthusiasm was just not there for the competition - she had no fire or drive to win it. At least learn your goddamn lines girl - but it was another challenge performance so bad, it became another camp classic - unfortunately it was overshadowed by Coco's horrific performance as the dummy and as in the skit, she was thoroughly outshined by her in the lip-sync and went home. Since the show, she has become a great representative for trans issues and deserves the exposure she has received (she seems to approach it from a more intelligent place than other trans activists from the same show) but I still can't help feeling disappointment for everyone involved with her being on the show and can't help but feel she would have been far more successful (if not THAT successful) on the show a few years down the track (mind you, what do I know, Peppermint could still go home first!)​.

Tears in my eyes

Most Iconic Moment: Her breakdown and reveal on the main stage - moments like these are beautiful, when the show forgets the camp, the drag, the glitz and becomes about the real people.

 My Favourite moment: I think her lip-sync to 'Only Girl' is underrated and fierce for the ages, but I can't go past her 'Draggle Rock' performance for sheer camp value. The shades, the book with the lines, the level of unprofessionalism, her inability to even give the most basic of performances all make for a camp classic that I can't help but clap and laugh every time I see it. (Which is often).

 Quote: Say it with me now ‘Don’t be shady, be a lady’.

‘Drag is what I do, Trans is who I am’ – silences anyone who questions what right a transwoman has to be on the show. Someone does drag, someone is Trans. If only Tumblr kids could get this into their thick skulls.

81: Naysha

The Beauty

She is very beautiful

The beauty is here! I won’t lie – I debated long and hard about who was going to be 81 – (SPOILER – I was torn between Vivacious, Laila, Kenya, LaShawn and Naysha over who was going to end up here and unfortunately, once again – I chose the beautiful, fierce, but less memorable option.

Although this almost boots her up the ranking

Naysha arrived on Season 8 looking like a close cousin of Demi Lovato. As a former Miss Continental, there were big things expected from her and walking into the workroom declaring ‘the beauty is here’ is certainly declaring that you’re in it to win it. However, we all know how that turned out and despite a memorable exchange defending pageants, the only thing we got from Naysha was a hideous, hideous outfit representing ‘Drag on a Dime’ that was literally fabric held together with a cardboard corset that Latrice would have fit and an epically bad interpretation of ‘Applause’ that went against the Producer’s wicked plans to send Laila home and keep Naysha around.  (Conspiracy sure – but we all know it) and that could have been that.

Even the producers were on Laila's team by this point

But no! Eliminaysha had to re-enter the competition after the ‘shocking’ double elimination of Dax and Laila – this in itself, would have been a little underwhelming but understandable, she was a Miss Continental after all, surely she had more to offer than what we saw? But the fact that it was hyped beyond belief and everyone thought Willam/Shangela/Lady Bunny/Rupaul’s mother was re-entering the competition, it was rather a disappointment to see the beauty run through the doors – clutching her Rupaul doll nonetheless! She gave a safe performance with a beautiful runway where she showed the excitement level at her return by falling flat on her face during the rollerblade runway and continued on to the next episode, giving birth to the iconic ‘Rectangle Girls of the World’ (so I suppose we have something to be thankful for – although, I mostly remember Derrick from that part) and was sent home after an underwhelming performance by ChiChi in yet another decimation. 

No, really.

Naysha is a fierce, beautiful, beautiful queen who probably doesn’t deserve to be this low (although I am docking points because she COULDN’T SEW!)– she served us beauty, gave us an iconic song and a lip-sync we won’t forget, but I can’t help placing her this low because of what could have been with season 8 – it wasn’t her fault, she just happened to be the face that sunk a thousand hearts when she re-entered. But she’s a stunner, it’s great to see her in more WOW stuff and she really is ‘the beauty’ of Season 8.

It's almost like she has magic powers

Most Iconic Moment: Actually there are three – but (and the reason she places below so many queens that didn’t go as far) – they aren’t really ‘her’ moments. Her lip-sync clapping – iconic and hilarious but Kim’s shade is what people most remember, Rectangle Girls because it is amazing although it’s Derrick and Chi that I really remember and her re-entry into the competition (which is memorable for all the wrong reasons).

In all honesty, would Kim have done this any better though?

My Favourite Moment: In Ruco’s empire, Thorgy becomes all of us by beating her with a broom – so satisfying and hilarious.

Quote: ‘Bitches I’m BAAAACCCKK!’ – Hearts broken.

Me at my laptop screen.

Woo – you still with me? Sorry that was so fucking long, longer than Season 8 I think!

I will try and continue next week – I’ll try get to 70 before the season starts but no promises! Once the season starts, I’ll go back to my power rankings for Season 9 and continue this in the off season – if y’all wanna see it continue? I’ll try be more succinct! 80 – 71 brings us icons, legends, language barriers, meme queens and cherry pah!

Thank you.